| Song of the day/ week/ moment: Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap.



Personally, I don't relate to this song in a bf/gf sort of way. I think this song is more of a conversation with a best friend who is in need and the singer is reassuring them that it's okay, life has it's ups and downs and that they love them anyway. Whatever the friend feels bad about, it's 'okay by me'. So just a nice little shout out to the dearly beloved;

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

I love you all like no tomorrow. Thank you for the birthday wishes, they mean more to me than any material present in the world. Thank you for good times and bad times we've shared; the good have definitely out weighed the bad. I have grown so much with your love and support. I thank God for putting me on this earth so I could experience the richness of friendship. Either I'm having a bad case of lethologica or there really aren't any better words to express my gratitude other than Thank You.

What else have I learnt today? That no matter what age you turn, you'll never feel any different!! I'm 16 and I still feel like I'm 8. Ha. Oh and hugs are totally underrated. Give someone a hug now!


You know I love you,
xoxo.

Labels: Feelings, Music

| Foreword.

My apologies for that bleak entry I posted a few days ago. I was not in a happy place and needed a way to express that bad state of mind. I've decided to delete that entry, so another apology to those who 'missed out.'

I'm also trying a new approach in the way I blog. From now on I won't focus on blogging about my day or what I want. I want to share things that I've learnt or realised, sometimes by recounting my day. Sometimes it'll be what I've learnt through God's word, sometimes it'll be something interesting on the back of a Libra pad liner. Please don't stop reading because I've mentioned God, I don't believe in being a 'converter' anyways. True Christians are those who choose to follow and love God by their own free will. It cannot be forced. I only aim to share my thoughts and reflect on what I've recently learnt, hopefully inspire someone. And it just so happens that I think the most inspiring being ever is God.

3:53pm. In my bedroom.

I had a silent epiphany on the car ride home. I was thinking about why I was so down as of late because of this one person. They didn't hurt me intentionally or anything. All this time I have loved them. But it's not the kind of love I thought it was. This love was self seeking and obsessive, for the other person always managed to make me feel good. I realised that I do not want a love based on the other person. Nothing good can come from that. It's conditional. So what 'love' should I be practicing? Unconditional love. Agape love. Selfless altruistic love. All this time I wanted a lover who could satisfy my temporary desires to be held and looked at affectionately. It was so wrong to seek such love. It was a love that could never last for it was based on emotions. Emotions fleet, they are ever changing. Something as simple as the weather could change it entirely. However, unconditional love is not based on emotions.

So now I see that person as a brother, whom I can love unconditionally and expect nothing in return. For such love is so rare in today's society. Loving others in a self sacrificing manner is absolutely divine. In both contexts. Saint Therese once said, "It is easy to love someone who loves you, but it is divine to love those who are difficult to love." God loves us unconditionally. His love is such a divine love, that we could only hope and try to express. It can be difficult because humans aren't perfect and will therefore struggle to exercise this perfect love. Because when you love another unconditionally, you won't be satisfying your materialistic needs. You might not even be unconditionally loved back. Nevertheless, you will still find that it is rewarding. You will feel that you are doing some good in this world. And have you not always wanted another brother or sister? I can now honestly say that my friends are like family to me. (Lame pun)

I feel freshly renewed. I'm a New Soul. I don't expect you to be inspired to love unconditionally but this is the kind of love that really does last forever. It will at least last til your loved one passes away. It exists because they exist, not because they make your heart go boom or because they look real cute. Eventually even the heart stoppers won't make your heart stop anymore and their apparent cuteness will fade with age. So this is what I learnt today. When I think about it, love really is everywhere. Today I got a present for my upcoming birthday from my Youth pastor and his wife. They obviously gave it to me because it's my birthday, but they didn't mean to give it because they think I'm cute or because I 'deserve' it. It's because I am me and I exist and they love me. And before my mum and dad and siblings left to go to some crazy Asian house party, my mum didn't tell me what kind of food is available because she wants to make me fat or get rid of left over food. No, it's because I exist and I'm her daughter and she loves me. Look around you, sit and think: Where can you find love today?

For those who want to know more about this love and happen to have a Bible, the most popular (love) passage in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13.

You know I love you,
xoxo.

Labels: God, Quotes

| So, I've been M.I.A for gosh knows how long but here's a neat vid. to explain what happened:



It's basically my life story. (At least for the past few months i.e. ever since I started this blog.)

I don't know what's gotten into me, I seriously don't feel like 'doing'. I just feel like 'being'. I haven't even written in my diary for a month. Tragic. I like to keep a diary because it's fun to read and reflect upon years later. That's kinda the same reason why I started a blog too. Only this web 'diary' isn't as personal since it's open for everyone to see. I wanted to document my thoughts and memories because I'll be able to tell how much I've grown/ changed/ matured - whatever.

What have I been up to? How am I feeling? What's happening to me? I wouldn't say I'm having a 'rough' time at the moment but it's definitely not something I want to get used to. But I'm glad to say that I've been more active lately, jumping around for some reason and started to write in my diary again :)

I had a weird dream yesterday. They say once your dreams are decoded, they reveal your subconscious thoughts, your deepest desires or your memories. How about your nightmares?

I'm at school (but the classroom setting was totally foreign to me. Never been in a class like it.) and we had to get out the newspapers to update ourselves on the world around us (by 'us' I mean my friends, but I've never even seen these people in real life before. I think.) The front page news was about a psychopath (who appears from oblivion), apparently having a list of people to kill and that I was on top of the list. I didn't know why I was on the list yet I was horrified and became very paranoid of windows, fearing the possibility of getting shot by the psychopath once he saw me. Throughout my dream, I'm ducking under windows, passing out and running. I was absolutely terrified 24/7. There was no resolution. I don't know how the nightmare ended. I just somehow switched to a different setting with a different atmosphere, hence another dream. Its strange how I only recall my nightmares, not my dreams.

My interpretation of that nightmare is that I'm afraid of something but I know it's something I can't avoid, it's inevitable. A problem, an issue. I don't know why it's happening but maybe that's why I'm so afraid. There's no resolution because I haven't tackled the problem yet. Hope I build a bridge soon or I'll be having nightmares for a while.

I should probably fill you stalkers in with what I've been doing all this time. So last time I blogged was 9th of April, during last week of school. I attended school the whole week, yes, including the Friday. All I remember from that week was the 'Yes' paper incident and that darned English listening exam I had on the Friday. It was the most discussed topic of the day.

That Saturday was Stephany's 16th party. It was a blassssssssssst darling, hope you read this. I want a fondue set for my birthday :) Or a karaoke machine. Oh and her cake was awesome, there was a picture of this busty blonde chick on her typical asian fruit cream cake.

Hot.

My group, L3 - Luscious Little Ladies, got her the traditional collage-of-photos-in-a-frame, a black quilted Lonsdale bag, a Bardot dress, Message In A Bottle (a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel of the same name), and a friendship quote book.

The birthday girl & I

The best L3 photo I could find.

My SYTYCD partner :)

The following week has been a total bludgeeeeeeeee and waste of my life! I done absolutely nothing on the first 2 days of my school holidays! It felt okay at the time but in retrospect I realise I could have used those 48 hours to study!

On Wednesday Aly, Helen, Ook and Robo decided to crash over my house for fun. We watched The Amityville Horror for the first 2 hours then laughed at my seriously embarrassingly asian dad the hour after. If 'embarrassing' were a noun, it would be my father. He decided to 'test' out my totally rusty karaoke machine by SINGING lame 90's music as he basked in the laughter of my tween friends. He must have confused it for approval or something. We decided to do some karaoke-ing of our own then had a sweet little d&m. It was mainly my life since everyone else refused to talk and I refused to not talk. It worked out well. The boys went home early because they're mummy's boys but the girls stayed to chat a while longer.

Helen, Robert, Jenny & Ook

Doesn't Queen 'Lobo' look fab here?

Oh, I should explain the whole Queen Lobo title. It all began when my 'embarrassing' aka 'father' asked the tweens what song requests they had for karaoke. Since no one could think of anything my dad asked if Lobo would be okay. Robert was alllllll for it. Hence the Lobo title. We decided to chuck 'Queen' in since he looks ever so posh in the photo above. 'Twas a fun day :D

The next day I went over to Row's house to start practicing our jazz dance routine for CCNF Awards '08. I'm pretty happy with how far we got, 1:15 worth! :) We cracked up so much when we first tried dancing. We then got totally exhausted after hours of dance so Row cooked me egg. Yeahhhhhhhhh :) She wanted to scramble it but I told her it's way nicer if it's not. So she done some weird flippy thing to it. We then retreated to her room, armed with chocolate biscuits and french fries and had a nice d&m. I left her house with a great amount of respect and appreciation for all those dancers out there. They are so underrated! The ability to move your body to form a 'move' is a great achievement within itself. To loose all your inhibitions and just dance to the beat is such a beautiful act. Which I could not comprehend before trying to do so myself. Much admiration to all you dancers out there! When I got home I still felt like twirling around, so I did. Wish I was a ballerina. I ended up exercising for 2 hours. Boo yah. All you really need to keep going is that little bit of effort to begin with!

And today, I felt sick in the morning so I couldn't go over to Bryan's to practice the group dance for Monday :( I rested as much as I could during the day, which was easy enough to do. Aly and Helen came over around 5 to prepare for band prac. Aly asked me to do that Grecian braid across the crown of her head since she was feeling that pre-formal fever. She also pointe dout how I'm always wearing black to band prac but I said it that it just so happens to always be freezing cold on Friday nights!!

Sang my lungs out then got home at 9:30pm, Judy was watching Sleepless In Seattle. Oh how I love that movie. If you are a hopeless romantic, this is the movie 'that started it all'. You know what the tag-line is? What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew was the only someone for you? *Heart melts* I love Meg Ryan's character, she is so stalkerish. She hears some guy talking about how much he loves his recently deceased wife and suddenly she falls head over heels for him and travels from Baltimore to Seattle to find him. Very sweet with a dash of 'what the'. But it still satisfies my appetite.


You know you totally still love me,
xoxo.

Labels: Health, Outings, Wants, Whinge

| *Christine and Jenny walking to class via pathway that runs from the school's front gates. A truck has stopped near the gate to deliver cartons of 'Yes' branded paper.*

Christine: Is that paper?
Jenny: 'Yes'.
*Both girls crack up for several minutes*
Christine: Man, we gotta blog that.
Jenny: Omigawd, we haven't blogged in agesssssss.
Christine: Naw, but it was one of those 'you-had-to-be-there-moments'!
Jenny: Meh, I'm still going to blog it!


So I did. Hope you enjoyed that :)


Counting down the days, hours and seconds til the April holidayzzzzzzzzzz!~!!@!~! 2 days, 57 minutes and 35 seconds to be exact. Yes Yes Yes! Lots to do these holidays, other than study for half yearlies of course. Time to tidy up my bedroom, do some actual shopping, plan a 16th, attend other parties, attend CCNF awards '08..

WHICH REMINDS ME. NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN DANCE :"( After the ever so bright Vee suggested a So You Think You Can Dance performance for CCNF to carry out, I was included to even out the numbers of performers. I have to pose as a guy since CCNF are short on guys and well.. my initials are the same as J.D, that hip hop guy from SYTYCD. So Rowena got my name out of the 'barrel' aka plastic sleeve and we got Jazz for our genre. Rowena started mimicking Stephanie and Marko's routine which was danced to Untouched by The Veronicas. She done those weird kicking moves with her left leg. Then it occured to me that their genre was Jive. Which was why I laughed. I don't think she realised, but oh well. What was my point? Oh yes, I DON'T THINK I CAN DANCE. Theres going to be people watching too and goodness, video cameras!

I should be studying for a CAFS test but then I started straightening my hair then I read a bit from Jodi Piccoult's, 'Nineteen Minutes' then I watched a bit of House then I realised I have an attention span of a 5 year old. I don't feel like blogging anymore. I promise I'll come back. And fill you in on my party plans.

Ta,
xoxo

Labels: Quotes, Whinge

| Translation: I am sorry.
For not posting.
My fingers are 'too gay to function'.
Will make amends.
Later.

Labels: Feelings, Sorry

|

Don't get any big ideas
They're not going to happen
You paint yourself white and fill the noise
But there'll be something missing

And now that you found it, it's gone
Now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

Don't get any big ideas
They're not going to happen
You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

And now that you found it, it's gone
And now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

Labels: Music