| Mood: 50/50
Music: Siouxsie and The Banshees - Hong Kong Garden

Today's entry will be short and sweet:

Wouldn't life be soooo much easier if everyone could just tell the truth? Then you wouldn't have to hide from people or live in fear of the 'truth' finally coming out. You wouldn't have to be in complicated webs of lies and deceit. You could save yourself a lot of stress and unnecessary self-torture if you do your part and just tell the truth from now on.

Kthnx.


P.S> Maybe it's about you. Joshing, it's not. Just I have a lot of bones to pick with several people because one side isn't telling the truth.

Labels: Awkward Truths, Lessons

| Mood: Lethargic but with strange buzz for blogging.
Music: B2K - Everything.

It's quite ironic that my blog has been inactive for a few days because there has been so much I've wanted to blog about. There are a bazillion mental notes sitting in my brain drawers containing, "Blog about this!" and "Blog about that!" I've also got a few draft entries hiding in my blog list. To make life easier for me (and for you), this entry will be separated into days.

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Friday, 20th June: "If You Have Nothing Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All."

Today I overheard a malicious conversation about a particular friend of mine. A few girls in my year had bones to pick with her but decided the best way to deal with it was to gossip about her. They didn't like her confidence and were most likely jealous of her success in most subjects. I wish I didn't have such great hearing skills (!) The girls just happened to be sitting in the row behind me, which was within close proximity from my seat.

I felt so helpless; if I stood up for her I'd be told to mind my own business but by staying quiet, I wasn't being much of a good friend. Mind you, this girl isn't someone I hang out with all the time but she has become someone I love and trust. She is a genuine character and the things that have been said about her were way out of line. I was planning on telling her but.. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. At times like these, I offer the situation for the work of divine retribution aka karma.

I do believe that everything you do has a consequence; sometimes the payback comes back straight away, sometimes it takes a while to arrive. But whatever it is, it will come. Depending on what you did, it could be real nasty or real nice.

So be careful what you indirectly wish for.

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Saturday, 21st June: "Make A Decision!"

My Youth Group attends a 'Bible Study' every fortnight on Saturday nights. Bible Studies are when we pick out a relevant topic/ issue and look to the Bible to find a resolution or wise words to enlighten us Youth on the situation. This particular study was on 'Making Godly decisions' i.e. choosing what is best for you.

Today's Youth sadly fall into the trap of Peer Pressure in hope to fit in with the popular crowd. Sometimes we make choices based on what others want or what they think is socially acceptable. Conformity only works well within groups but as individuals, we need to stand up for what we believe in. Some decisions we make could affect the rest of our lives, so why base them on what others want when the outcome ultimately affects you?

There are 2 types of peer pressure: the 'in-your-face' pressure and the 'that's-what's-expected-of-you' pressure. The difference between the two is that one is direct whereas the other is indirect. Either way, the pressure is still there and has to be handled well. Christians aren't immune to these things. Some people have this weird idea that by being Christian, you are strong and firm in your belief and that petty issues such as peer pressure don't affect you. Wrong. So wrong.

Christians still get affected by peer pressure but most cases involve different issues rather than drugs and alcohol. Sometimes we feel that we've got this high standard that is impossible to reach or that we're constantly looked at to set good examples, to be 'the good ones'. Shouldn't we all be 'good' in the first place?

Whatever the decision is, you've got to do what is honorable. In every situation, there is always a choice so when it comes down to the decision-making, the choice you make should be the one that you feel is the best, not what the social norm is. Most of the time you'll need someone with experience to talk to, remember that you're never alone. I'm fortunate enough to have a fantastic support network of friends ranging in age and opinions. Not only do you have friends, you have parents, relatives, agencies like Kids Help Line :)

The best solution to any situation is to speak up and be honest.

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Sunday, 22nd June: "Sometimes It's From The Ignorant That You Learn The Most Valuable Lessons."

For the first time in a while I was able to catch up with a few friends and update each other on each others' lives. These friends were elders and it surprised me when they revealed themselves to be quite vulnerable and in states of confusion and unrest. Upon hearing such news, I surprised myself with the advice flowing out of my mouth. I don't know where I get my words of comfort from but I do find it easy to articulate what others cannot.

I'm not ignorant but I'm not wise, either. I basically vomited out what others have been saying to me all these years. I was being a parrot. Memory served me justice!

When I went home to think about my day, I realised that sometimes it's from the ignorant that you learn the most valuable lessons. A child's innocent view on love for example:

♥ Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they've know each other so well.
♥ Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
♥ If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
♥ Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
♥ When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she still love you, she loves you even more.

Their view describes genuine, selfless love. The kind of love we should be practicing. But our view on love has been tainted with bad experiences and bad movies. It all turns around when we listen to a little one and start to see what they can see.

Try talking to someone years younger than you about something deep ASAP! It'll refresh your mind.

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Monday, 23rd June: "The Best Comebacks Come After The Conversation Ends."

Don't you hate it when that happens? You know what I'm talking about, when you're getting chopped by the other person in a Battle of Wit then you go home to have a sulk and think of all these crazy comebacks.. hours after the conversation has officially ended.

Let's rewind back to school, during Senior lunch:

[Deputy is on playground duty while eating a healthy sandwich containing lots of greens. Jenny is sitting down on the oval to bask in the sun with friends.]

Me: *Squints up to Dep.* Nice sandwich sir, looks healthy.
Dep.: Nice nails.
Me: *Looks down at bright red digits* Oh.. it's a condition I was born with. [Christina gets up and plops a v. healthy chip on Dep.'s v. healthy sandwich. Dep. takes a bite.]
Me: Awww, how romanticcccc (!)
Dep.: You think that's romantic young lady? You've obviously been romanced before (!)
Me: Oh, I'm quite the hopeless romantic sir.
Dep.: Ha! You've probably never been taken away, have you? *Turns to Khanh* Would you take her away?
Khanh aka Ex. boyf.: Uh..
Dep.: Yeah, *turns to another guy*, how about you?
Other guy: No..
Me: *Dies inside* Gosh sir, thanks a lot.
Dep.: Do you even have a boyfriend? [Group sniggers]
Christina: She has me!
Me: Uh, yeah.. I'm a lesbian.
Dep.: Well, that makes sense.
Me: *Eye rolls*
Dep.: No, really. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.. not yet.
Dep.: Figures.
Me: Excuse me? What if I said YES?
Dep.: Then he's desperate. [William walks up and sits next to me. I tell him to go away. He stays.]
Dep.: That your bf? Oi, dickhead, asked her out yet? [Group laughs]
William: Uh.. no.
Me: *Dies inside*

Then Deputy aka 'Sir' told the group that he done the exact same thing to another student years ago and the couple are now happily married with 3 kids for 15 years.

From end of lunch onwards I replayed the scene in my head and came up with kick arse comebacks. Put me in a crappy mood :( But then I was happy again once I thought about the subject matter. Ahh :)


---------------
That was basically a week's worth of blog content in a 'nutshell', so to speak. I hope you can get something out of it :)


You know you love me,
xoxo

Labels: Feelings, Lessons, Recap

| Mood: Happy.
Music: Sufjan Stevens - The One I Love (R.E.M cover).
Today in Community and Family Studies:

N: Yeah, I don't think my BF is hot!!
L: Watttt, he's hottttt!
N: Nah... he's not!
G: Like, he can't be too hot and he can't be unattractive, he should just be normal y'know? Cos if he's too hot, girls would always be around him and stuff!
N: Yeah, exactly!
L: WHAT! It's your heart that falls in love, not your face!
M: Well, I guess you both have a point. It's their looks that first attract you but then again, you shouldn't be base your opinion on their appearance.

If looks can be deceiving, we don't have much else to rely on the first time we meet someone. Everyone denies it but how can you honestly say that someones "personality" is what attracted you to them in the first place? I'm going to put it bluntly: humans are superficial. Some of us try to hide it but really, whatever delights our senses delights us. Not to say that anything or anyone that looks good is good but we often base our first impressions on someones looks.

Is there a way to avoid this from happening? No. But it just goes to show that you don't really know what someone is like until you get to know them. The way someone presents themselves does indicate what they are like inside to a certain extent but looks don't tell the whole story.

Think someone is a skank/ daft/ strange? Hold that thought - talk to them first. You may be surprised, you may not. But you won't know until you make an effort to get to know them.


You know you love me,
xoxo

Labels: Lessons

| Mood: Very happy.
Music: MGMT - Time To Pretend.

Have you ever wondered what your life was like in someone else's eyes?

Just yesterday, I had a terrific discussion with my Biology classmates. It started off as an update on each other's lives (particularly love lives) but the conversation was then thrown into the deep end as we shared opinions on issues we might have to deal with in the future. Such issues were "How would you react if your teenage daughter told you she got pregnant?"; "What would you do if your child turned out to be a homosexual?"; "How do you deal with a child abusing drugs?"; "Would you force your child into sharing the same religious belief?"

Everyone had their different opinions and I was refreshed by the honest and diverse answers my friends shared. Discussions like these really open your mind. The deep topic drained out as we drifted to possible baby names and ideal family structures. Perfect partner then became perfect family > babies > sex. A friend asked Nat & I what we thought about 'sex before marriage' (we were asked that question because of our faith, Catholic & Christianity respectively.) Nat nodded and said she values that view point, I elaborated:

When you get married, you are promising yourself to your partner. You swear by oath that you would never leave, always love them, always be true. Marriage is a big deal. I am appalled by what society has turned it into, what is up with the 5 minute marriages in Las Vegas? Marriage is something life changing, and should take years to decide upon. Once you marry someone, having sex with them is how you express your love for them. It is a gift no one else can give them but you. I am disgusted that sex is seen as 'dirty' and as 'play'. It is an intimate celebration of love between two beings. Pornographic films and novels have exploited this celebration and distorted it to an activity.

People think that waiting until marriage to 'have sex' is idiotic and a waste of time. A waste of what time? Precious sex time? This time in between being single and being married is to find that very person you will spend the rest of your life with, so you can experience an immense and extraordinary feeling of love and express it in a way no other can.

Everyone went a bit silent. They were amazed at the words that just came out of my mouth. They thought it was incredible/ deep/ thoughtful. That was when it occurred to me that my life and life in general is seen very differently through other's eyes. My perspective on sex isn't outlandish to me but it is to some of the people around me. That afternoon I wondered what my life looked like in someone else's eyes. I've always wondered what it'd be like to "live in another's shoes."

Wouldn't it be nice to own a sweet little invention that made that possible? But until then, we should all keep our minds and hearts open to give and take different opinions and perspectives. By doing so we will have a greater understanding ourselves and our society.

You know you love me,
xoxo

Labels: Feelings, Lessons, Rant

| Mood: Introspective.
Music: Usher's album, Here I Stand

Yesterday at church, I learned that your emotions are 'purely chemical reactions that take place in your mind'. If I asked you to feel angry right now, you would instantly think of something that makes you angry and you would feel it. If I told you to feel loved, you would think of something or someone that you 'love' and you would feel loved.

That would explain why we go on 'emotional rollercoasters'. During those rough times when we have so much going on in our life, we think about a million things at the same time; things that conjure up different feelings. I've had people come up to me and compliment me on my optimistic character. Comments like those are exactly the reason why I'm happy most of the time. I have no secret, I actually do make an effort to focus on positive things because the negative things get you nowhere. It makes sense - I think about good stuff in order to feel the good. But I am human. I've had terrible weeks but in the end, I realise that I've been wasting precious smiling time! :)

'I feel horrible, there's nothing good in my life!' Rubbish. We all know that we don't know everything, correct? Maybe we don't feel the love because we are unaware of it. You can't think of something if you don't know of it. Therefore you wouldn't be able to feel the feelings connected to that thought. I'm telling you now, you are and always will be loved. Every single one of you, reading this. Often we are all loved more than one being. But I believe in one being who has always loved me. God has and always will love me. Knowing that makes me feel loved. Yesterday's sermon was a good reminder of that.

Another good example would be your parents. Sometimes you don't feel their love because it seems as if they don't care. How can a parent ever possibly not love their child with all their heart? Just because you don't feel it, it doesn't mean it's not there. Maybe you're not feeling it because you're simply unaware.

They say 'ignorance is bliss' but 'with knowledge comes strength'. Ignorance only comes in handy when you don't want to know bad things. What about all good things? Wouldn't you like to be informed on all that? Unfortunately, we can't hand pick all the good things we want to know. (Unless you're thinking about a uni course.) As we age we experience a lot and gain knowledge from that. Sometimes its good to know, other times it bad. But it's through knowledge that we can think for ourselves. And by thinking, we feel.

Where am I going with all this? I wanted to share this piece of information for you to think about. Perhaps this will help you tackle future obstacles in life. Perhaps this will help you overcome a current issue. Perhaps you knew all this already but needed a reminder. The way you feel all comes down to what you're thinking about. So think about good things, it's not hard. Every cloud really does have a silver lining. If your problems are too big to overlook, talk to a friend. Different people offer different perspectives. With their different opinions, it can put your problem in a different light and as a result, you could think about it differently. It could become a smaller problem.

Set some time aside tonight and conduct a session of introspection. Look inside yourself, examine your thoughts. Which thought is dominating your mind? Is it good or bad? Then make a decision. Do you still want it to consume you? Or are there better things to focus on? (Nice calming music should help you out. I recommend Coldplay's old music.)

You know you love me,
xoxo

Labels: Feelings, God, Lessons

| Mood: Giddy.
Music: Arithmetic - Brooke Fraser.

I know you lovely stalkers of mine want to know how the heck I've been these last 2 weeks. Well, after the Half Yearlies were over rover, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that no one in my grade was bothered to focus at school. Camp was 2 days away so what was the point, right? So that Monday and Tuesday was a total bludge, don't even remember what I done. I do recall buying last minute camp essentials on the Tuesday.

I was going to detail every single aspect of camp but figured that y'all can just head over to Chrissy's or Rowena's blogs and read their entries. In a nutshell, Crossroads camp was tiring, exciting, fun, full of hot instructors but overall it was a fantastic experience. There was much to take from Crossroads, and it wasn't just a whole luggage bag of muddy clothes. Camp sets the perfect environment to create new bonds and strengthen old ones (I think I took that line from some other camp motto). At camp I was able to talk to my girlfriends about things I've been holding back on and I also found out things I never knew about others. I should also mention the awesome Karaoke + Disco night, that went off! I believe that my year group is just awesome, everyone had a go at singing and everyone had a go on the dance floor! Despite the disgusting camp food, I was in high spirits each and everyday in preparation of the daily activities. Okay, I said I wouldn't ramble about camp but I think I already have. All in all, those 3 days were an experience to remember and I thoroughly enjoyed them all.

Post-camp mood is always groggy and yuck, and believe it or not I took quite some time to re-adjust to civilisation. Of course I jumped on my computer straight away but everything else was left alone. Not to say that I haven't taken anything from camp. I now have a greater appreciation towards my clean bathroom, my mother's delicious home cooked meals and the abundant source of energy I have access to. (Oh yes, on one of the camp nights there were black outs cos all the girls were using their hair straighteners/ blow dryers and I was in the shower when the energy failed. I stood in the freezing cold, naked with shampoo in my hair for an eternity before the lights turned back on.)

I wasn't really active the following long weekend. I'm pretty sure I caught up on all the sleep I missed out on camp due to midnight cabin conversations. That felt mighty fine! As Public Holiday Monday came to an end, I dreaded the thought of school. But Tuesday turned out to be a really good day. Fantastic day, I must say. It started off with Modern History, which was a bit of a bore since we have this student teacher teaching us about Cuba. She's a bit inexperienced judging by her teaching methods but the topic is really interesting. Raise your hands if you've heard of Che Guevara? Yeah, thats right, ALL OF YOU! Well, I haven't got up to the part where he comes in yet but the history of Cuba alone is v. interesting.

I received my half yearly mark for Modern back today, and I'm a bit disappointed. But I realise I shouldn't have had high expectations if I didn't give it my best shot i.e. studying properly. I've really got to start pulling up my socks! (Deja vu.) I keep finding myself waiting for something to motivate me when in the end, I should be motivating myself. It's all within me, I've just got to realise my true potential. Yeah, I'm really good at saying positive stuff but I find it hard to practice what I preach. It's something I've been keeping at the back of mind: to not be a hypocrite, be mindful of what I'm saying and to be aware. All this stuff isn't just coming from my Modern History result, it's been an issue for quite some time now. I'm always saying things before I really think about the consequences and it always lands me into messy piles of doo-doo. So hopefully, by articulating my thoughts and releasing them into the world wide web, I'm hoping I could tackle this blabbermouth issue of mine :)

Enough of bad habits, a quality I'd like to adopt is directly linked to the Art of Complimenting. My Tuesday was fantastic because I felt really great all day. At Recess, after that 'Cuban' Modern Hist. lesson, Chrissy pulled me aside to compliment me on my personality. I was taken aback by how thoughtful an act it was to just compliment someone out of nowhere. All this time she was mindful of how I've been treating her and she decided to verbalise her appreciation. It really really made my day Chrissy, thank you once again! It's so lame, but I'm always 'forgetting' to compliment people. I'm often thinking of how great someone looks or how amazing they are but I never really tell them. I think it's time I stop being the blabbermouth and start being the genuine complimenter :) (Because fake compliments are as bad as bad comments!) Chrissy also set a task to all her blog readers to compliment the next person they see. I'm going to take that task up a notch and try to compliment everyone I see.

There's so much more I have to say, but I think there were enough lessons in today's blog entry:

1. Make the most of any camp you go on and open up your heart there.
2. The home you live in now is 100000000000x better than the conditions I had at camp. So app-re-ci-ate.
3. Motivation comes from within.
4. A simple compliment can really make someone smile all day!


I've been meaning to watch Wicker Park and Pulp Fiction for some time now, so I'm off to watch those 2 movies!


You know you missed me,
xoxo

Labels: Lessons, Recap, Thanks