But I think blogs are benefitial. One is able to freely express their sentiments (exactly!) anonymously (by creating a pseudonym) but I chose not to. What you see is what you get here. A lot of people tend to hide who they really are either by faking their idenitity or faking their personality. It's living a lie. Why would you want to live a lie? I understand, maybe you have something you want to keep hidden away or you think something is totally shameful but it's who you are. Do you want to hide yourself? Are you ashamed of yourself?
Let me explain my blog title - it's from a show called 'Me, Eloise!'
Its this cartoon that is currently aired on ABC, at 3:55pm on weekdays. I started watching it a week ago. I have no idea why but as soon as I set eyes on the tv screen I was drawn to it. It was the protagonist. She is bright and fun and ridiculously spoilt, it was like watching a celebrity (in 2D). But unlike most celebrities, she is true to herself.
There was this one episode where Eloise decides to go to school (she usually has a tutor). Due to her bratty ways, her tutor resigned. The school is private of course and her teacher is 'rawther' strict. (Eloise likes to pronounce rather as 'rawther'.) After 2 days of school, Eloise has a mini-breakdown. Her friend, Bill tells her to cheer up and to stay strong and that its the real world. (When I said spoilt, I meant: She lives is a freaking 5 star hotel plaza and does whatever she wants all day.) Bill explains that school has rules that everyone has to follow in order to be good students. Eloise replied with,
"I just want to be me, Eloise."
It was cute. Cute as in: that kid just said something so innocent and so honest that it makes us adults go, "Whoah. I wish I thought like that." Reminds me of this quote made by a 7 year old girl:
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt. And he wears it everyday.
So simple, so true. It's so innocent but it opens something inside of us. Our hearts. Our minds. We stop thinking so narrow mindedly, so structuredly, thinking the way we were taught to - for a second, at least.
But me? I don't think the way I used to. I'm saddened sometimes by the depth of knowledge I attain. Heck, I sometimes wished I was a sponge living in a pineapple. Though, I do learn everyday. I'm ignorant and intelligent at the same time. I know so much yet so little. The smartest people are those who know they know nothing.
So who am I? I'm someone who enjoys the innocence left in this world. I rawther enjoy witty banter. I dig the show Me, Eloise! I love music. Really. I really, really do. Music is a freaking art. (Actually, yeah, it is.) But I said that with a passion! Anyone who has the same music taste as me is my soul mate. Well, my soul mate would have to at least like the music I like, or introduce me to artists I wished I discovered first. Yeah, I like to fantasize about love and all that jazz.
Artists I love: Death Cab For Cutie, Coldplay, Aqualung, Feist, Sufjan Stevens, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, The Postal Service, The Hush Sound, Imogen Heap/ Frou Frou, The Perishers, New Buffalo, Brooke Fraser, Sarah Blasko, Zero 7/ Sia Furler, Phoenix, Goldfrapp, As Tall As Lions.
The rest, I usually dig a song or two by them. Goodness, if you love all the artists I just listed - you must add me on Facebook/MySpace/ Bebo. Ha.
But I'm not all about music. I'm an amateur guitarist and amateur x100 singer but that's not all me. I'm a devoted Christian, but I'm a sinner. I'm still trying to find myself, really. And tbh, I sometimes doubt if God is there. But it's nice to know there's someone watching over us. And that there is a purpose to life.
Regarding my character, I used to be really nice. People say I'm nice now but I have my days. And sometimes I say things I totally didn't mean e.g. Can I please have a chicken roll? *Dammit! I've never even tasted a chicken roll before. I actually wanted a chicken puff. What the heck?!* But seriously, sometimes I just totally put my foot in it. And then I go home, and think. And contemplate becoming mute. Or sometimes, someone else puts their foot in it and totally crush me. But I don't say anything.
You see, over time, I've coated my heart with cling wrap. With every negative experience, another layer is wrapped around my heart. You see, my heart is still there, the cling wrap doesn't hide it. It just protects it from stuff coming in. Oh, but cling wrap is thin. Beautiful moments slash open the wrap, moments like eye opening scenes in movies, like hearing sweet little sentences, like waking up and looking out the window, moments like ..life. In all its glory. And I cry. I cry after I witness something beautiful.
People say I cry a lot. Well heck, theres a whole lotta 'beautiful' in this world :)
'Beautiful moments' vary from person to person. It all comes down to perception. If you see life through rose coloured glasses, you're like me. I'm happy. I'm content. I don't expect much. Humility goes a long way too. But some days I'm the opposite to all of that.
I'm way temperamental.
In case you haven't noticed, I rant. I'm afraid the length of this entry would be a turn-off. So I'll end it just here.
Thank you for reading all the way up til now. You must care a lot about me or are horribly intrigued. Well there's a whole lot more where that came from.
You know you love me,
xoxo.
Labels: Music, Self-Identity
