brighter than sunshine.

But the old me's dead and gone, dead and gone.

2009-04-13T01:28:00.001+10:00

Tumblr is the new black: http://jendao.tumblr.com/

I'm not holding onto You but You're holding onto me

2009-04-09T19:58:00.004+10:00

If I could go back in time, I would change a few things. The way I treated you, the way I handled certain situations, the way I said things..

I know I can't change the past. I can't erase what has already happened. I just wished I knew how to fix things. To restore things back to the way they used to be.

Somehow I will work up the courage to apologise and to rekindle. I don't want to continue being the way I am right now. I've grown cold and exclusive, I've shut you out. You, whose great loyalty and companionship has been rejected and unappreciated.

This is not who I am.. it's not who I want to be.

I want to let you know that I'm still willing to listen. I'm still here for you. I genuinely miss you. I miss your presence, your bright smile, your funny albeit lame jokes.

When I summon up the courage to talk to you again, I hope that it'll work out. If it doesn't, I won't blame you. I've been a horrible excuse for a friend.

Happy Birthday Day, Little Hey Hey!

2009-03-13T17:17:00.005+11:00

Hey Helen,
So it's your 17th birthday. I just wanted to let you know that you are so important to me. We have known each other since we were little, back in the day when I would go to the little girl's room without going to the little girl's room.. If you know what I mean, jellybean.

You are my best mega tween friend and my lil_ice_champ47. But more importantly, you are my sister in Christ. We've endured Maths and English tutor together, recited our memory verses on Sundays, hung out at crazy Asian parties and have worn matching flower girl dresses at crazy Asian weddings.

You are like a breath of fresh air when the world seems to suffocate me with its worldliness. You are always looking to the brighter side of things and rarely anything gets you down. You never seem to have anything let you down because you won't let it.

You're a no-fuss, stick-to-the-basics kind of girl. You're laid back and down to earth. Your simplicity reminds me of a child. Though you are mature like a 17 year old, you stay optimistic like a 5 year old. You have not been tainted by cynicism with age.

You resemble hope.

It has been a blessing to have been your friend for so long. We've never had a single fight in the past 13 years and it won't seem likely for many more years to come. You are patient and understanding. You make me feel like I'm the most hilarious person in the world. I feel appreciated when you laugh until you can't breathe at the silly things I do.

I thank God that He has brought us together in His name. What better way to bond than to bond over our love for Christ? You have been encouraging me every week at church and still continue to do so. Thank you for that. Thank you for being so.. you.

I hope and pray that you will continue to serve with a humble heart. God bless you, Helen.

Affection is the humblest love.

2009-03-13T17:14:00.001+11:00

"...But Affection has its own criteria. Its objects have to be familiar. We can sometimes point to the very day and hour when we fell in love or began a new friendship. I doubt if we ever catch Affection beginning. To become aware of it is to become aware that it has already been going on for some time. The use of "old" or vieux as a term of Affection is significant. The dog barks at strangers who have never done it any harm and wags it tail for old acquaintances even if they never did it a good turn. The child will love a crusty old gardener who has hardly ever taken any notice of it and shrink from the visitor who is making every attempt to win its regard. But it must be an old gardener, one who has "always" been there--the short but seemingly immemorial "always" of childhood.

Affection as I have said, is the humblest love, It gives itself no airs. People can be proud of being "in love," or of friendship. Affection is modest--even furtive and shame-faced. Once when I had remarked on the affection quite often found between cat and dog, my friend replied, "Yes. But I bet no dog would ever confess it to the other dogs." That is at least a good caricature of much human Affection. "Let homely faces stay at home," says Comus. Now Affection has a very homely face. So have many of those for whom we feel it. It is no proof of our refinement or perceptiveness that we love them; nor that they love us. What I have called Appreciative love is no basic element in Affection. It usually needs absence or bereavement to set us praising those to whom only Affection binds us. We take them for granted: and this taking for granted, which is an outrage in erotic love, is here right and proper up to a point. It fits the comfortable, quiet nature of the feeling. Affection would not be affection if it was loudly and frequently expressed; to produce it in public is like getting your household furniture out for a move. It did very well in its place, but it looks shabby or tawdry or grotesque in sunshine. Affection almost slinks or seeps through our lives. It lives with humble un-dress, private things; soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog's tail on the kitchen floor, the sound of a sewing-machine, a gollywog left on the lawn."

As told by C. S. Lewis in the "Four Loves" pp. 33-34.

The Rules For Being Human

2009-03-06T16:09:00.003+11:00

1. You will receive a body.
You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.

2. You will be presented with lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "life". Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much as a part of the process as the experiments that work.

4. The lesson is repeated until learned.
Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here".
When your "there" has become "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will look better to you than your present "here".

7. Others are only mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

9. Your answers lie inside of you.
All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Chérie Carter-Scott

Tweet tweet.

2009-03-03T19:24:00.001+11:00

From: Jenny Dao
Subject: Jenny Dao wants to keep up with you on Twitter

To find out more about Twitter, visit the link below:
http://twitter.com/i/deafe017142140db7044566433da2c1d176ca9b9

Thanks,
-The Twitter Team

About Twitter

Twitter is a unique approach to communication and networking based on the simple concept of status. What are you doing? What are your friends doing—right now? With Twitter, you may answer this question over SMS or the Web and the responses are shared between contacts.

Waves La la la la la la!

2009-02-25T23:58:00.004+11:00

STNBS: Hey Jen.. I lost my contact.
Me: Huh, wasn't it in your eye?!
STNBS: Err.. yeah. It just fell out. *Looks around table*
Me: LOL!
STNBS: This isn't the first time either.

Today was a good day. Ogay? Yeah, k! La la la la la la la la la la la!

Mmmhmmm.

Different Students, One Master

2009-02-24T19:11:00.004+11:00

I've recently read the book 'Boy Meets Girl' by Joshua Harris (the same guy who wrote 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye') It's a book on courtship - that step between friendship and marriage. It's like dating only you're in it for the long term. You court someone you could potentially marry.

The whole book is an interesting read, I recommend it to anyone who is less than impressed by societal views on relationships. Joshua Harris is great with analogies and this is one of the few that stuck in my brain:

"..As you keep reading, remember that God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all plan for relationships.

We all have very different lives - we vary in age, cultural background, and circumstances, to name just a few..

You might be asking, "How am I supposed to follow God's principles for courtship when my circumstances are so different from those of other people?" Let me try to explain.

Imagine that you're a student in an art class. You and dozens of classmates are learning from a master painter. One day your teacher displays a painting of his own. It's an incredible work of art, and he wants each of you to copy it.

You're about to begin working when you turn to look at the person next to you. You're surprised to note that he has a larger brush than you and a different kind of canvas. You look around at the rest of the class. Some students have acrylic paint, others watercolour, still others oil - and everyone is using different colours. Though you all have the same assignment, you each have completely different materials. This frustrates you. Some students have materials you would prefer yourself. Why should they get them?

You're not the only student to notice the disparity. A hand goes up to your left. A girl with only a ragged brush and three pale shades of blue on her palette is noticeably agitated. "This isn't fair," she tells the teacher. "How do you expect me to duplicate your painting when the people around me have so many colours to choose from?"

The teacher smiles. "Don't worry about the other students," he says. "I've carefully chosen brushes and paints for each of you. Trust me. You have what you need to complete the assignment. Remember, your goal is not to create a painting that mirrors the person next to you, but to do your best with the materials I've given you to replicate my painting."

..God isn't asking us to copy each other but to fix our eyes on our Lord and Master Jesus Christ.. We can rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign over our life's situation. No matter where we are today or what mistakes we've made in the past, He has given us everything we need to glorify Him right now." (Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris, Page 30)

I think this analogy is applicable to more areas in life than relationships. It could be applied to any situation, perhaps even the one you're in now.

The Language of Advertising.

2009-02-21T23:23:00.004+11:00

My brother's future prospects in Advertising are looking particularly bright. Check out his latest English response:

Question 3
This ad needs help. It is too bland and unappealing for its target audience. Who do you think its target audience is? With this in mind, make changes to the advertisment and write the improved version in your English book.

Plain ad: "The new Ford Neutral car is a car with four doors and wheels. It comes in seven different colours. It is better than the Holden. The car has good brakes and can stop quickly if it needs to. There is room for seven people and a dog. It also has a CD player."

So I'm presuming that my brother was targeting, uh, kids his age with the use of colloquial language. "Fully-sick" hasn't been added to the dictionary, right?

Jordan's ad: The fully sick new Ford Neutral is a car with fully sick four doors and fully sick wheels!!! It comes in fully sick seven different fully sick colours!! It is better than the fully sick Holden!! The fully sick car has fully sick brakes and can stop fully sickly quickly if it fully sickly needs to!! There is fully sick room for fully seven sick people and a fully sick dog. It also has a fully sick CD player!!

I laughed hysterically and honestly could not stop for a solid 10 minutes.

Youchoob is addictive.

2009-02-21T15:44:00.005+11:00

I've been YouTubing for 3 hours straight. Gawsh I need a break.

Respect

2009-02-18T17:03:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I feel like I don't get any from you.

Listen and Learn

2009-02-17T19:48:00.005+11:00

[Click to enlarge]

This is as effective as my "I WILL NOT PROCRASTINATE" poster .. which is stuck on the back of my folder.

Awwwww yeah. I'm so badass.

A Reminder

2009-02-16T22:37:00.002+11:00

What are you doing on my blog? Go do your work, you lazy slug!

Yeah, you! Go! Shoo! Hissssssssssssssssssssss.

And FYI: I'm not procrastinating! I just received 2 very important emails that I had to reply to. I'm totally going to get off right after I hit 'Publish post'! Honest!

:)

Blessed are those who have blessed me

2009-02-12T17:52:00.006+11:00

I know you're hurting. And I'm so sorry for that. You deserve much better than this. You are so ridiculously talented. You are so ridiculously gifted. But don't ever forget where your gifts and talents come from. Don't ever forget where you come from.

I know you wanted a break. Something to look forward to in this life. But there really isn't much to offer here. Do not be disheartened, all this effort will not go to waste.

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
Matthew 5:3-12

I know that you know that we'll always be here for you. We understand that you don't want to talk to or see anybody right now.

Love you my 1/3 kindred spirit.

My sentiments exactly!

2009-02-11T19:41:00.003+11:00

It's taking me light years to clean up my desk and transfer all my files and folders onto my new shelf. I'm too darn sentimental. Can't seem to let go of my Year 9 exercise books for some reason. They hold no significance at all! Yet I can't bear the thought of trashing them..

Oh, but old diaries are the best. Best piece of blackmail anyone can ever find is someone's personal diary. Mine is truly horrific. I found my 2007 one about half an hour ago and have been flipping back to past events since then. It's like reading a poorly written recount of a roller coaster ride that you went on in Year 6. Can't help but laugh at your ignorance yet you can empathise.

I reckon #2 on my "What The World Needs" list is Diaries, right after Notepads.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Staying Alive!

2009-02-10T21:56:00.002+11:00

Sort-of. Organisms still exist underneath rocks. And as will I!

Just did some effective study for the past 4 hours (with breaks, of course). I guess this is another break.

Okay. Breaks over.

Text Message

2009-01-11T21:26:00.003+11:00

Tribute.

2008-12-16T22:33:00.002+11:00

robo says (10:21 PM):
and this loser never talks to me
robo says (10:21 PM):
and i have to go
robo says (10:21 PM):
XP
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
whatttttt
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
nooooooooooooo
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
dont gooooooooooooo
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
i didnt get to chit chat!
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
i was at judy's farewell
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:21 PM):
--"
robo says (10:22 PM):
awww
robo says (10:22 PM):
judy i miss her
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:22 PM):
:/
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:22 PM):
hahaha
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:22 PM):
but shes your DAUGHTER
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:22 PM):
she was veryyyyyyyyy pretty todayyyyyyyyyyyy
robo says (10:22 PM):
take picture?
robo says (10:22 PM):
s
robo says (10:23 PM):
facebook it if you did!
robo says (10:23 PM):
or blog about it!
robo says (10:23 PM):
blog!
robo says (10:23 PM):
and mention me in the blog somehow!
robo says (10:23 PM):
ahahahaha
robo says (10:23 PM):
bye jen!
robo says (10:23 PM):
sweetdreams! and exam tmr yeah?
robo says (10:23 PM):
all the best with that!!!
robo says (10:23 PM):
BYE!
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:24 PM):
:(
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:24 PM):
thanks robby
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:24 PM):
;)
L3 | team.ORSM, Jellycoptaaa (ap) says (10:24 PM):
:)

I don't mean to be a snob, really. But I am. I'm the biggest, most fattest Internet snob across the whole.. Internet! (Inc. blogosphere.)

Lollipop Bet

2008-11-28T21:30:00.014+11:00

Mood: Insightful.
Music: Windsor For The Derby - The Melody Of A Fallen Tree.

Oh, it's been far too long since I've last blogged! All this time I've seen blogging as time consuming (which it is) but for all the wrong reasons. Blogging is purely therapeutic. There's so many things I want to shout out loud but probably shouldn't, probably because nobody has the paramount patience required to listen to my blabbering.

So I'm going to talk to you, dearest Blog. Yeah.

Today was bittersweet. Bitter because I've lost half of the contents of my bag due to a Lollipop Bet and sweet because.. I like to be optimistic. Always will. It is currently 9:37PM, giving the universe precisely 2 hours and 23 minutes to make my day! Or I could just read the rest of Breaking Dawn and feel an immense sense of achievement (yes, I'm one of those Twilight people.)

Wait a minute, what on Earth is a 'Lollipop Bet'?

Glad you asked.

Basically, the basic necessity of today's Lollipop Bet, lollipops, was bought at a Sugar Fix in the city last Friday. Chrissy, Eyvette and I first walked into the candy store in hopes to find humunguous jawbreakers but we chickened out.. because they really did look like 'jaw breakers'. So we browsed around the store, checked out the cute guy who helped us find the jawbreakers and that was when we saw them: the gorgeous display of lollipops, varying in sizes that were adorably small to absofreaking large.

Jenny: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh, let's get lollipops insteadddddd!
Chrissy: Omgomgomgomg, yes!
Eyvette: But they're not jawbreakers..
[Margarita continues browsing around the store/ checking out cute guy]
Jenny: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh we sooooo should! We could have a RACE!
Chrissy: Haha, maybe!?!
Eyvette: But it'll take ages to finish! *Eyes largest lollipop*
Chrissy: Small ones then?
Jenny: Yeah!
Eyvette: Eh..
Chrissy: We could race on the train!
[Jenny goes on tippy-toes in order to pluck off the smallest lollipop, Chrissy and Eyvette follow suit]
Jenny: Yay! I got a pretty purpley one!
Chrissy: Nherh, mines yellow and orange!
Eyvette: Yeah, mine is awesome too!!!
[Margarita still browsing around store/ checking out cute guy]

And that's how it all began. We didn't end up having the lollipop race on the way home, simply because we were all too tired (it was an English excursion to the Wesley Conference Centre where old yaps droned on about the concept of Belonging and how it related to Frankenstein blah blah). The following week Chrissy would whip out her lollipop from her bag in anticipation of a lollipop race, but to no avail. It was not until this afternoon during a triple lesson of English that I got my game on and agreed. Sadly Eyvette could not participate due to her compulsive generosity (she gave it to her sister - the fiend!) Instead, we anointed her Lollipop Bet Commissioner, the honorable role of chairperson during the race.

How did the race become a bet? Allow me to exhibit the notes passed on during class (please click to enlarge):

Exhibit A
(note that the red pen is Chrissy and the black pen is me):

Exhibit B

(after showing Eyvette, the Lollipop Bet Commissioner):

Exhibit C
The rules of the race are as shown below:

The bell rang to indicate the end of English and the class heaved a sigh of relief as we all walked out. Chrissy and I started coming up with items on which to bet on on the way to the library. I spent the majority of my lunch rummaging through my bag for worthy pieces. I was quite confident that I'd win.

When lunch ended I waited around under the shelter (our headquarters moved to suit the weather - it was raining!) Chrissy came huffing and puffing with her lollipop and I took forever to find my lollipop. We waited for the Lollipop Commissioner to give us the signal to unwrap the lollipop. "Go!" Chrissy soooooo cheated! The lollipop was in her mouth within seconds as I clumsily fumbled around the wrapping.

I licked the lollipop furiously on the way to Biology and was relieved that a casual teacher was sitting in my teacher's chair in class. I mumbled a, "Sorry sir, I need to finish this!" as he marked off my name. People in class sniggered but I didn't have time to care - my valuables were on the line! I talked my way into being able to suck on a lollipop in class and was distracted all lesson.

The lesson flew by - 1 period down, 2 more to go. French was easy, my teacher didn't care about food in class. Unfortunately Eyvette aka Lollipop Commissioner has French with me so she kept on eye on my actions. There was no way I could chew on it now (refer to Lollipop Bet Rules above.) My tongue burned and the sides of my lips felt like they were bleeding by the time I finished. It was 2:30PM by then. I'm really suckky with school bell times so yeah, I'll get back to you, Blog, on exactly how long it took me to kill the lollipop.

At the end of school I was ecstatic, so sure that I won. I reached into my bag to grab my phone and saw that I had received one new message. It was Chrissy. "I win! I'm finished :)" Time received: 2:18PM. My face fell. Chrissy. Won.

She won all my stuff. All the junk I held so close to my heart, or at least in my bag 5 days a week. Gone. I slowly walked to the quad (HQ moved back due to sudden end of downpour). Lollipop Commissioner and Christine walked me to my apparent demise but Chrissy was nowhere to be found. And I was so going to admit my defeat!

Perhaps it was serendipty, kismet, destiny that Chrissy was not there to claim my belongings this afternoon. The twist in fate screamed 'REMATCH!' So when Chrissy called after school asking where I've been, I told her I couldn't find her and congratulated her on her triumph. She chuckled and told me she'll get started on her song selection right away. I sighed. I hung up on the phone and appreciated each object of my affection for one last time.

Oh, it is so on next Monday. Double or nothing.

Judy Is Brighter Than Sunshine

2008-09-21T19:10:00.003+10:00

Mood: Happy.
Music: Birds Of Tokyo - Medicine.

I know I should be studying for my yearlies, but this piece of news is all too delightful to not publish! It's not 'news' per se, more like a random incident that made me laugh until I coughed (I am currently sick as a dog.)

My little sister, Judy, who is in Year 6 this year wrote a little creative story on the cover of a Myer catalogue. She read it out to me as I prepared her a meal for dinner. It went a little like this:

"Hello", said the cow to the fox.
The fox grinned and attacked the cow.
Then the cow shouted, "Why?!"
The fox said, "You killed my mother."
The cow said, "That was my sister."
Then the fox said, "Sor-ree. I'll go kill your sister too."
The cow said, "Noooooo!"
The cow died slowly but also the fox got ran over by a ute.

You may not find this story funny, or even the slightest bit amusing. But it surely made my day. I think it was the random "Hello" from the start.

Hope it brightened your day :) Or somehow made you smile.

Edit: After seeing my initial reaction (laugh + cough combo), Judy was spurred to write another creative story. It goes like so:

One rainy day, an elephant was playing indoor tennis with a lizard.
Then the elephant said, "Hey, are you dating my son?"
Then the lizard said, "You're dating my son?!"
Then the elephant said, "What?"
The lizard said, "You did? Argh!"
The elephant was confused and angry at the lizard. Then the lizard took a shotgun out of its pouch and shot the elephant in the tail. The elephant laughed as she was bleeding.
The lizard said, "What the.."
Then after the elephant died and the lizard was happy once again.
But the lizard didn't even have a son. In fact, she hated children. And elephants.

My brain's repeating: If you've got an impulse, let it out.

2008-09-13T13:01:00.003+10:00

Mood: Reflective.
Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Sound Of Settling.

My brain's repeating
"If you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling
Baa bah, baa bah

Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can't wait to go gray

And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

Just yesterday I was at school, bewildered at the fact that it was the last official day of Year 11. The next two weeks will be full of yearly examinations followed by a two week holiday and the beginning of Year 12.

Time never ceases to amaze, surprise, overwhelm; leaving us flabbergasted. The age-old "I remember childhood as if it was just yesterday.." is thrown around every time people realise they've grown a little bit older.

Sometimes we want time to go a little faster, other times we just want it to stop. But we all know too well that 'time' is a constant, stopping for no-one. The best we can do is make use of our time, cherishing every moment. Though it is quite difficult to cherish the 2 hours of examination each subject may bring, the prospect of getting it 'over and done with' makes it a tad more bearable. So sometimes when the present seems to be a little dreary, the future can bring joy.

But what if you're always living in the 'future'? Thinking of everything in the future tense. Planning for the future, waiting for the future.. but never reaching the future. Makes the present seem very dull and tedious.

Thing is, you can never live in the future. You live in the present. You must act on 'now', right now. That's how you change the future, from the present. What is the point of planning for the future without ever implementing the changes?

What is the point of hoping, of wanting, of seeking a high UAI in the future.. without making the effort of studying now? You only get what you give.

Living in the present is applicable to every situation. Actually, it shouldn't be an application, we should all just live in the present. How about that? Yeah! Everyone living in sync, up to date, in beat with one another. Life would be much more enjoyable with everyone's participation. What to do if everyone around you seems a bit 'lifeless'? There are two options: join the club or liven up the mood. You may be one person but you can make a difference. Be the ray of sunlight like you always are (from now onwards at the very least.)

Live in the moment. Be active. Get off your bottom and do something!

Reconnecting..

2008-08-30T23:57:00.003+10:00

I have finally come to my senses and dusted off my Bible today (The Message). I had the opportunity to hang out with Aspen, Chris and Duy after Bible Study for a brief catch-up. There was a lot that I learnt from them but the most important was what they had to say about God. That was when I realised that everybody feels a little disconnected sometimes but God will always be there patiently waiting. I felt the willingness to read the Word again and flipped to James as Chris and Duy recommended.

I like reading The Message because theres always a short and sweet introduction for each book of the Bible. For James, it goes like so:

When Christian believers gather in churches, everything that can go wrong sooner or later does. Outsiders, on observing this, conclude that there is nothing to the religion business except, perhaps, business - and dishonest business at that. Insiders see it differently. Just as a hospital collects the sick under one roof and labels them as such, the church collects sinners. Many of the people outside the hospital are every bit as sick as the ones inside, but their illnesses are either undiagnosed or disguised. It's similar with sinners outside the church.

So Christian churches are not, as a rule, model communities of good behaviour. They are, rather, places where human misbehaviour is brought out in the open, faced and dealt with.

The letter of James shows one of the church's early pastors skillfully going about his work of confronting, diagnosing, and dealing with areas of misbelief and misbehaviour that had turned up in congregations committed to his care. Deep and living wisdom is on display here, wisdom both rare and essential. Wisdom is not primarily knowing the truth, although it certainly includes that; it is skill in living. For, what good is a truth if we don't know how to live it? What good is an intention if we can't sustain it?

The idea that church is a holy place open for only the holy is highly pretentious. Why would Christians segregate themselves from the very people that God has created? I didn't know what to say the other day when I handed out flyers for an upcoming youth outreach at my church and had some handed back. When I asked why, friends would say that they weren't Christian therefore they weren't able to come. But 'outreaches' are out reaches to Christians and non Christians alike. Churches aren't an all exclusive meeting place. They are open and free for all to come in.

Back to my issue of 'displacement', I've found my place again. I can't explain what I felt and why I felt it, all I can say now is that when my relationship with God is weak, so are the rest of my relationships. I think I want to be a Christian counselor.

Hoping everyone is feeling alright, and if you're not all too well, you have the comfort of knowing that everybody gets a little down sometimes.

Why do we fall Master Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again.

Indifference.

2008-08-15T23:13:00.006+10:00

Mood: Reflective.
Music: Keane - Everybody's Changing.

Ironic that I should be listening to this song right now.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

As you may or may not know, I've been on a Ski Trip at Thredbo for the past week. I wouldn't say I have a fiery passion for snowboarding, but it is truly an exhilarating experience to glide down a mountain of snow with or without the company of others. I won't meddle into the details of the 4 days I was away but I will say that it was well worth the $615 (that I fundraised half of). Might I add that Nintendo DS is a saviour when it comes to enduring coach rides that last a good 7 hours. Mario Kart is a group favourite :)

So when you're away at the snows for a week, naturally you'd end up missing out on a lot of the things happening back at home. It's a good reality check when you find that the world does not revolve around your presence and that it continues orbiting the sun when you're gone. Post-camp, I felt a tad disoriented so I skipped yet another day off school due to an aching body. Today I resumed my schooling and gosh, I was slapped in the face with news left-right-and-centre. Love lives, work lives, home lives, school lives, almost-end of lives, and end of lives.. A lot happens in a week. So much news to take in I felt like I was going to burst! So after the natural high of good gossip, I felt withdrawn, felt the repercussions of being MIA.

Then I noticed that.. I didn't really try before this Ski Trip. I didn't try to keep up and genuinely know how people were. I was too self-absorbed with my own issues I ignored everyone elses. I've changed a lot, I don't self-disclose as much as I used to. I even avoid hanging out with mates sometimes cos I know I'd have to open up and share things. I hope it's just a phase, I do favour feeling close with other human beings. I haven't even blogged because I don't want to talk. What's to say? Too much. Far too much.

But just because I don't want to talk, doesn't mean others would feel the same. So I've learnt my lesson: it's time to show others I really care. Maybe you feel the same. Stuck in a hole you've dug yourself into. Reach out your hand, someone will take it. You are never alone.

--
P.S. This was for Chrissy. And other loyal readers. Thank you for your support :)

I don't think you're ever a hundred percent in the room.

2008-08-03T16:24:00.002+10:00

Mood: Blog-hopping mood.
Music: Lisa Mitchell - Neopolitan Dreams

I feel incredibly lazy right now and instead of blogging a new entry, I've been browsing other blogs for inspiration. I didn't find inspiration to blog an essay, instead I stumbled upon a few bloggers who took this quiz.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

You are reaching something that is beating.

2008-07-20T18:49:00.004+10:00

Mood: Appreciative.
Music: Mute Math - Noticed.

First and foremost I would like to extend my gratitude to those who have sent comments of support regarding my blogs. Thank you for your kind words, they well and truly make my day.

Have I abandoned my blog? Certainly not. I've just been making the most of my two week holidays since they are 'the last real holidays I'll have for the next year and a half'. Everyone is making Year 12 seem so scary, as if it were a stage that sucks the life out of you. But really, high school in general will be something you'll miss when you're older so I'm not going to let myself be the victim of crazy HSC rumours.

I spent the first week of my holidays at a camp called Camp UiC (Unity in Christ). Along with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ from several churches, we accommodated at The Venue, Bellambi for 4 days and 3 nights. It was a life-changing 4 days. I've bonded so well with a group of people I see but never usually talk to. I'm extremely grateful to have been to such an amazing camp with such a great bunch of people. But alas, the experience would not have been complete without Diana William's powerful sermons. Based on the theme of 'Unity', Diana spoke of working together as a group despite our differences, also known as 'unity in diversity'. We are unique, 'fearfully and wonderfully made' (Psalm 139), but we are made as separate parts of a body to work as a body, together (1 Corinthians 12).

But it wasn't what she said about everyone as a group that deeply touched me. Not to say that it was all rubbish, but her first talk made me want to cry. It was an eye-opener. The talk was titled, 'You Are Unique' and was based on Psalm 139 - click on link to access the passage.

St Augustine observed in his Confessions:

‘Men go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains, the vast compass of the oceans, the circular motion of the stars... yet they pass by themselves without wondering’.

Take time to really examine yourself. Look at your hands, for instance. One hand alone contains 19 bones and 70 muscles. It is one of the most intricate parts of your body. No human has and ever can produce a replica as amazing as the human hand alone. 'The hand that can hammer, thrust, grasp and crush is the same hand that can thread a needle, play a flute and insert a pipette a fraction of a millimetre in diameter into the axon of a squid.' It can pluck, it can peel, it can knead, it can hold, it can feel. Have you ever noticed how fantastic your hands are? God has made us so wonderfully, so perfectly yet we take our bodies for granted.

And that's just the hand. Did you know that no fingerprint is the same? Isn't that awesome? So much thought was put into the making of our very being. Do you not feel loved? Do you not feel amazing? How wonderful it is to be alive! To have been created! And we aren't here for decoration, either. Don't get me started and all our skills and talents and just the 'mere' ability to think. There is so much we can do, feel, taste, hear, speak.

We are unique. We are special. There is a reason we live. You may not have found your calling yet, but I have. I am proud to say that I live for God but that's not all. He has blessed me with abilities and skills. I do love writing but that's only because I love learning. What's the point of writing when you have nothing to write about? Through learning everyday, I have the reason to write, to obtain a blog of thoughts. Isn't the brain great? But maybe my calling isn't to be a professional writer. Maybe I want to be a psychologist. I learnt that comfort is not by any means making another 'feel better'. Comfort lies within empathy. But that's another blog topic.

I'm rambling again. But all I wanted to share was what I've learnt a week ago. The second week of holidays wasn't as eventful, though I did go to an all-you-can-eat buffet at Star City. It was fabulous! I'm pretty sure the rest of the week were my 'sloth days' - you know, staying in and watching movies on end, eating ice cream and whatnot. I love the holidays :)

I hope you feel special and unique!

You know you love me,
xoxo.

Currently Listening

2008-07-15T20:36:00.001+10:00

I can relate to 2 songs at the moment: (Refer to 2 posts below)

Honestly (!)

2008-06-30T18:17:00.004+10:00

Mood: 50/50
Music: Siouxsie and The Banshees - Hong Kong Garden

Today's entry will be short and sweet:

Wouldn't life be soooo much easier if everyone could just tell the truth? Then you wouldn't have to hide from people or live in fear of the 'truth' finally coming out. You wouldn't have to be in complicated webs of lies and deceit. You could save yourself a lot of stress and unnecessary self-torture if you do your part and just tell the truth from now on.

Kthnx.

P.S> Maybe it's about you. Joshing, it's not. Just I have a lot of bones to pick with several people because one side isn't telling the truth.

Blog about it!

2008-06-23T16:25:00.013+10:00

Mood: Lethargic but with strange buzz for blogging.
Music: B2K - Everything.

It's quite ironic that my blog has been inactive for a few days because there has been so much I've wanted to blog about. There are a bazillion mental notes sitting in my brain drawers containing, "Blog about this!" and "Blog about that!" I've also got a few draft entries hiding in my blog list. To make life easier for me (and for you), this entry will be separated into days.

---
Friday, 20th June: "If You Have Nothing Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All."

Today I overheard a malicious conversation about a particular friend of mine. A few girls in my year had bones to pick with her but decided the best way to deal with it was to gossip about her. They didn't like her confidence and were most likely jealous of her success in most subjects. I wish I didn't have such great hearing skills (!) The girls just happened to be sitting in the row behind me, which was within close proximity from my seat.

I felt so helpless; if I stood up for her I'd be told to mind my own business but by staying quiet, I wasn't being much of a good friend. Mind you, this girl isn't someone I hang out with all the time but she has become someone I love and trust. She is a genuine character and the things that have been said about her were way out of line. I was planning on telling her but.. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. At times like these, I offer the situation for the work of divine retribution aka karma.

I do believe that everything you do has a consequence; sometimes the payback comes back straight away, sometimes it takes a while to arrive. But whatever it is, it will come. Depending on what you did, it could be real nasty or real nice.

So be careful what you indirectly wish for.

---
Saturday, 21st June: "Make A Decision!"

My Youth Group attends a 'Bible Study' every fortnight on Saturday nights. Bible Studies are when we pick out a relevant topic/ issue and look to the Bible to find a resolution or wise words to enlighten us Youth on the situation. This particular study was on 'Making Godly decisions' i.e. choosing what is best for you.

Today's Youth sadly fall into the trap of Peer Pressure in hope to fit in with the popular crowd. Sometimes we make choices based on what others want or what they think is socially acceptable. Conformity only works well within groups but as individuals, we need to stand up for what we believe in. Some decisions we make could affect the rest of our lives, so why base them on what others want when the outcome ultimately affects you?

There are 2 types of peer pressure: the 'in-your-face' pressure and the 'that's-what's-expected-of-you' pressure. The difference between the two is that one is direct whereas the other is indirect. Either way, the pressure is still there and has to be handled well. Christians aren't immune to these things. Some people have this weird idea that by being Christian, you are strong and firm in your belief and that petty issues such as peer pressure don't affect you. Wrong. So wrong.

Christians still get affected by peer pressure but most cases involve different issues rather than drugs and alcohol. Sometimes we feel that we've got this high standard that is impossible to reach or that we're constantly looked at to set good examples, to be 'the good ones'. Shouldn't we all be 'good' in the first place?

Whatever the decision is, you've got to do what is honorable. In every situation, there is always a choice so when it comes down to the decision-making, the choice you make should be the one that you feel is the best, not what the social norm is. Most of the time you'll need someone with experience to talk to, remember that you're never alone. I'm fortunate enough to have a fantastic support network of friends ranging in age and opinions. Not only do you have friends, you have parents, relatives, agencies like Kids Help Line :)

The best solution to any situation is to speak up and be honest.

---
Sunday, 22nd June: "Sometimes It's From The Ignorant That You Learn The Most Valuable Lessons."

For the first time in a while I was able to catch up with a few friends and update each other on each others' lives. These friends were elders and it surprised me when they revealed themselves to be quite vulnerable and in states of confusion and unrest. Upon hearing such news, I surprised myself with the advice flowing out of my mouth. I don't know where I get my words of comfort from but I do find it easy to articulate what others cannot.

I'm not ignorant but I'm not wise, either. I basically vomited out what others have been saying to me all these years. I was being a parrot. Memory served me justice!

When I went home to think about my day, I realised that sometimes it's from the ignorant that you learn the most valuable lessons. A child's innocent view on love for example:

♥ Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they've know each other so well.
♥ Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
♥ If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
♥ Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
♥ When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she still love you, she loves you even more.

Their view describes genuine, selfless love. The kind of love we should be practicing. But our view on love has been tainted with bad experiences and bad movies. It all turns around when we listen to a little one and start to see what they can see.

Try talking to someone years younger than you about something deep ASAP! It'll refresh your mind.

---
Monday, 23rd June: "The Best Comebacks Come After The Conversation Ends."

Don't you hate it when that happens? You know what I'm talking about, when you're getting chopped by the other person in a Battle of Wit then you go home to have a sulk and think of all these crazy comebacks.. hours after the conversation has officially ended.

Let's rewind back to school, during Senior lunch:

[Deputy is on playground duty while eating a healthy sandwich containing lots of greens. Jenny is sitting down on the oval to bask in the sun with friends.]

Me: *Squints up to Dep.* Nice sandwich sir, looks healthy.
Dep.: Nice nails.
Me: *Looks down at bright red digits* Oh.. it's a condition I was born with. [Christina gets up and plops a v. healthy chip on Dep.'s v. healthy sandwich. Dep. takes a bite.]
Me: Awww, how romanticcccc (!)
Dep.: You think that's romantic young lady? You've obviously been romanced before (!)
Me: Oh, I'm quite the hopeless romantic sir.
Dep.: Ha! You've probably never been taken away, have you? *Turns to Khanh* Would you take her away?
Khanh aka Ex. boyf.: Uh..
Dep.: Yeah, *turns to another guy*, how about you?
Other guy: No..
Me: *Dies inside* Gosh sir, thanks a lot.
Dep.: Do you even have a boyfriend? [Group sniggers]
Christina: She has me!
Me: Uh, yeah.. I'm a lesbian.
Dep.: Well, that makes sense.
Me: *Eye rolls*
Dep.: No, really. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.. not yet.
Dep.: Figures.
Me: Excuse me? What if I said YES?
Dep.: Then he's desperate. [William walks up and sits next to me. I tell him to go away. He stays.]
Dep.: That your bf? Oi, dickhead, asked her out yet? [Group laughs]
William: Uh.. no.
Me: *Dies inside*

Then Deputy aka 'Sir' told the group that he done the exact same thing to another student years ago and the couple are now happily married with 3 kids for 15 years.

From end of lunch onwards I replayed the scene in my head and came up with kick arse comebacks. Put me in a crappy mood :( But then I was happy again once I thought about the subject matter. Ahh :)

---------------
That was basically a week's worth of blog content in a 'nutshell', so to speak. I hope you can get something out of it :)

You know you love me,
xoxo

Looks Can Be Deceiving

2008-06-19T20:27:00.002+10:00

Mood: Happy.
Music: Sufjan Stevens - The One I Love (R.E.M cover).
Today in Community and Family Studies:

N: Yeah, I don't think my BF is hot!!
L: Watttt, he's hottttt!
N: Nah... he's not!
G: Like, he can't be too hot and he can't be unattractive, he should just be normal y'know? Cos if he's too hot, girls would always be around him and stuff!
N: Yeah, exactly!
L: WHAT! It's your heart that falls in love, not your face!
M: Well, I guess you both have a point. It's their looks that first attract you but then again, you shouldn't be base your opinion on their appearance.

If looks can be deceiving, we don't have much else to rely on the first time we meet someone. Everyone denies it but how can you honestly say that someones "personality" is what attracted you to them in the first place? I'm going to put it bluntly: humans are superficial. Some of us try to hide it but really, whatever delights our senses delights us. Not to say that anything or anyone that looks good is good but we often base our first impressions on someones looks.

Is there a way to avoid this from happening? No. But it just goes to show that you don't really know what someone is like until you get to know them. The way someone presents themselves does indicate what they are like inside to a certain extent but looks don't tell the whole story.

Think someone is a skank/ daft/ strange? Hold that thought - talk to them first. You may be surprised, you may not. But you won't know until you make an effort to get to know them.

You know you love me,
xoxo

And when I see you, I really see you upside down

2008-06-18T15:37:00.003+10:00

Mood: Very happy.
Music: MGMT - Time To Pretend.

Have you ever wondered what your life was like in someone else's eyes?

Just yesterday, I had a terrific discussion with my Biology classmates. It started off as an update on each other's lives (particularly love lives) but the conversation was then thrown into the deep end as we shared opinions on issues we might have to deal with in the future. Such issues were "How would you react if your teenage daughter told you she got pregnant?"; "What would you do if your child turned out to be a homosexual?"; "How do you deal with a child abusing drugs?"; "Would you force your child into sharing the same religious belief?"

Everyone had their different opinions and I was refreshed by the honest and diverse answers my friends shared. Discussions like these really open your mind. The deep topic drained out as we drifted to possible baby names and ideal family structures. Perfect partner then became perfect family > babies > sex. A friend asked Nat & I what we thought about 'sex before marriage' (we were asked that question because of our faith, Catholic & Christianity respectively.) Nat nodded and said she values that view point, I elaborated:

When you get married, you are promising yourself to your partner. You swear by oath that you would never leave, always love them, always be true. Marriage is a big deal. I am appalled by what society has turned it into, what is up with the 5 minute marriages in Las Vegas? Marriage is something life changing, and should take years to decide upon. Once you marry someone, having sex with them is how you express your love for them. It is a gift no one else can give them but you. I am disgusted that sex is seen as 'dirty' and as 'play'. It is an intimate celebration of love between two beings. Pornographic films and novels have exploited this celebration and distorted it to an activity.

People think that waiting until marriage to 'have sex' is idiotic and a waste of time. A waste of what time? Precious sex time? This time in between being single and being married is to find that very person you will spend the rest of your life with, so you can experience an immense and extraordinary feeling of love and express it in a way no other can.

Everyone went a bit silent. They were amazed at the words that just came out of my mouth. They thought it was incredible/ deep/ thoughtful. That was when it occurred to me that my life and life in general is seen very differently through other's eyes. My perspective on sex isn't outlandish to me but it is to some of the people around me. That afternoon I wondered what my life looked like in someone else's eyes. I've always wondered what it'd be like to "live in another's shoes."

Wouldn't it be nice to own a sweet little invention that made that possible? But until then, we should all keep our minds and hearts open to give and take different opinions and perspectives. By doing so we will have a greater understanding ourselves and our society.

You know you love me,
xoxo

Emo-tional.

2008-06-15T22:39:00.004+10:00

Mood: Introspective.
Music: Usher's album, Here I Stand

Yesterday at church, I learned that your emotions are 'purely chemical reactions that take place in your mind'. If I asked you to feel angry right now, you would instantly think of something that makes you angry and you would feel it. If I told you to feel loved, you would think of something or someone that you 'love' and you would feel loved.

That would explain why we go on 'emotional rollercoasters'. During those rough times when we have so much going on in our life, we think about a million things at the same time; things that conjure up different feelings. I've had people come up to me and compliment me on my optimistic character. Comments like those are exactly the reason why I'm happy most of the time. I have no secret, I actually do make an effort to focus on positive things because the negative things get you nowhere. It makes sense - I think about good stuff in order to feel the good. But I am human. I've had terrible weeks but in the end, I realise that I've been wasting precious smiling time! :)

'I feel horrible, there's nothing good in my life!' Rubbish. We all know that we don't know everything, correct? Maybe we don't feel the love because we are unaware of it. You can't think of something if you don't know of it. Therefore you wouldn't be able to feel the feelings connected to that thought. I'm telling you now, you are and always will be loved. Every single one of you, reading this. Often we are all loved more than one being. But I believe in one being who has always loved me. God has and always will love me. Knowing that makes me feel loved. Yesterday's sermon was a good reminder of that.

Another good example would be your parents. Sometimes you don't feel their love because it seems as if they don't care. How can a parent ever possibly not love their child with all their heart? Just because you don't feel it, it doesn't mean it's not there. Maybe you're not feeling it because you're simply unaware.

They say 'ignorance is bliss' but 'with knowledge comes strength'. Ignorance only comes in handy when you don't want to know bad things. What about all good things? Wouldn't you like to be informed on all that? Unfortunately, we can't hand pick all the good things we want to know. (Unless you're thinking about a uni course.) As we age we experience a lot and gain knowledge from that. Sometimes its good to know, other times it bad. But it's through knowledge that we can think for ourselves. And by thinking, we feel.

Where am I going with all this? I wanted to share this piece of information for you to think about. Perhaps this will help you tackle future obstacles in life. Perhaps this will help you overcome a current issue. Perhaps you knew all this already but needed a reminder. The way you feel all comes down to what you're thinking about. So think about good things, it's not hard. Every cloud really does have a silver lining. If your problems are too big to overlook, talk to a friend. Different people offer different perspectives. With their different opinions, it can put your problem in a different light and as a result, you could think about it differently. It could become a smaller problem.

Set some time aside tonight and conduct a session of introspection. Look inside yourself, examine your thoughts. Which thought is dominating your mind? Is it good or bad? Then make a decision. Do you still want it to consume you? Or are there better things to focus on? (Nice calming music should help you out. I recommend Coldplay's old music.)

You know you love me,
xoxo

What to do with daylight?

2008-06-11T17:06:00.003+10:00

Mood: Giddy.
Music: Arithmetic - Brooke Fraser.

I know you lovely stalkers of mine want to know how the heck I've been these last 2 weeks. Well, after the Half Yearlies were over rover, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that no one in my grade was bothered to focus at school. Camp was 2 days away so what was the point, right? So that Monday and Tuesday was a total bludge, don't even remember what I done. I do recall buying last minute camp essentials on the Tuesday.

I was going to detail every single aspect of camp but figured that y'all can just head over to Chrissy's or Rowena's blogs and read their entries. In a nutshell, Crossroads camp was tiring, exciting, fun, full of hot instructors but overall it was a fantastic experience. There was much to take from Crossroads, and it wasn't just a whole luggage bag of muddy clothes. Camp sets the perfect environment to create new bonds and strengthen old ones (I think I took that line from some other camp motto). At camp I was able to talk to my girlfriends about things I've been holding back on and I also found out things I never knew about others. I should also mention the awesome Karaoke + Disco night, that went off! I believe that my year group is just awesome, everyone had a go at singing and everyone had a go on the dance floor! Despite the disgusting camp food, I was in high spirits each and everyday in preparation of the daily activities. Okay, I said I wouldn't ramble about camp but I think I already have. All in all, those 3 days were an experience to remember and I thoroughly enjoyed them all.

Post-camp mood is always groggy and yuck, and believe it or not I took quite some time to re-adjust to civilisation. Of course I jumped on my computer straight away but everything else was left alone. Not to say that I haven't taken anything from camp. I now have a greater appreciation towards my clean bathroom, my mother's delicious home cooked meals and the abundant source of energy I have access to. (Oh yes, on one of the camp nights there were black outs cos all the girls were using their hair straighteners/ blow dryers and I was in the shower when the energy failed. I stood in the freezing cold, naked with shampoo in my hair for an eternity before the lights turned back on.)

I wasn't really active the following long weekend. I'm pretty sure I caught up on all the sleep I missed out on camp due to midnight cabin conversations. That felt mighty fine! As Public Holiday Monday came to an end, I dreaded the thought of school. But Tuesday turned out to be a really good day. Fantastic day, I must say. It started off with Modern History, which was a bit of a bore since we have this student teacher teaching us about Cuba. She's a bit inexperienced judging by her teaching methods but the topic is really interesting. Raise your hands if you've heard of Che Guevara? Yeah, thats right, ALL OF YOU! Well, I haven't got up to the part where he comes in yet but the history of Cuba alone is v. interesting.

I received my half yearly mark for Modern back today, and I'm a bit disappointed. But I realise I shouldn't have had high expectations if I didn't give it my best shot i.e. studying properly. I've really got to start pulling up my socks! (Deja vu.) I keep finding myself waiting for something to motivate me when in the end, I should be motivating myself. It's all within me, I've just got to realise my true potential. Yeah, I'm really good at saying positive stuff but I find it hard to practice what I preach. It's something I've been keeping at the back of mind: to not be a hypocrite, be mindful of what I'm saying and to be aware. All this stuff isn't just coming from my Modern History result, it's been an issue for quite some time now. I'm always saying things before I really think about the consequences and it always lands me into messy piles of doo-doo. So hopefully, by articulating my thoughts and releasing them into the world wide web, I'm hoping I could tackle this blabbermouth issue of mine :)

Enough of bad habits, a quality I'd like to adopt is directly linked to the Art of Complimenting. My Tuesday was fantastic because I felt really great all day. At Recess, after that 'Cuban' Modern Hist. lesson, Chrissy pulled me aside to compliment me on my personality. I was taken aback by how thoughtful an act it was to just compliment someone out of nowhere. All this time she was mindful of how I've been treating her and she decided to verbalise her appreciation. It really really made my day Chrissy, thank you once again! It's so lame, but I'm always 'forgetting' to compliment people. I'm often thinking of how great someone looks or how amazing they are but I never really tell them. I think it's time I stop being the blabbermouth and start being the genuine complimenter :) (Because fake compliments are as bad as bad comments!) Chrissy also set a task to all her blog readers to compliment the next person they see. I'm going to take that task up a notch and try to compliment everyone I see.

There's so much more I have to say, but I think there were enough lessons in today's blog entry:

1. Make the most of any camp you go on and open up your heart there.
2. The home you live in now is 100000000000x better than the conditions I had at camp. So app-re-ci-ate.
3. Motivation comes from within.
4. A simple compliment can really make someone smile all day!

I've been meaning to watch Wicker Park and Pulp Fiction for some time now, so I'm off to watch those 2 movies!

You know you missed me,
xoxo

This Awkward Silence..

2008-05-29T16:27:00.007+10:00

Mood: Liberated.
Music: Steen's lovely mix cd.

Ah yes, the Awkward Silence. What constitutes an awkward silence, you ask? Have you ever experienced a slight uneasiness during a silence within a conversation? If so, you my friend have experienced an awkward silence.

They are quite unfortunate, but they happen. After experiencing a bad case of the Awkward Silence today and not knowing how to tackle it, I decided to turn to the Internet. Yeah, I'm a total dweeb. But the Internet is resourceful, we must utilise it!

I typed in 'awkward silence' into the Google search bar and the first few results were a recording label, the MySpace of an actual music band, an Urban Dictionary entry and a wikiHow link. 'Wiki' sounded familiar so I decided to click on it. I ended up spending quite some time browsing the articles, they discuss the best topics. You know those topics you think about but you don't really ask people about it cos you feel you're supposed to know about it already? (i.e. How To Fill Awkward Silences)

I also found out a really interesting fact, anyone ever heard of The Awkward Turtle?

Apparently it can either break an awkward silence or make it even worse. Whatevs, I like those odds! I am so trying it out next time. (Not that I'm guaranteeing future awkward silences, of course.)

After reading a dozen articles, I realised the main points were to Listen, Be Yourself, Respect The Other Person and Don't Act Creepy (haha, the last one came up a lot in the 'How To Treat A Girl Well' articles)

Speaking of How To Treat A Girl Well..

So, you want to know how to treat a girl? Every girl is different, so not everything you do for one girl will necessarily flatter another. But, there are some general things you can do to show a girl that you care.

Steps:

1. Remember that every human being wants to be appreciated. The more genuine and specific you are, the better.

2. Respect her future. The fact is, you might not end up being "the one". Don't do anything that will compromise her future because of something you did. If you aren't ready to be a father, don't work the relationship that way. If you don't like "used goods" then don't ruin her possibilities by turning her into them.

3. Let her talk about herself. If you say you want to get to know her better, then take over all the conversations, she will think you are self-centered, and not very interested in her after all.

4. Find out about her hobbies by asking questions about the kind of music she likes, observing her environment, and asking about clothes or pictures she might have.

5. Compliment her. Say that her hair looks nice or that shirt looks great on her. Then look in her eyes, and smile. Mean it. Keep it real.

6. Tell her she is pretty. No matter how average she thinks her looks may be, a girl will usually be flattered and pleased to know you think she is attractive. Say "You've got the most beautiful eyes/hair/skin/hands/etc. I've ever seen" and again - mean it!

7. Take a shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth, and shave if you need to right before you see her - every time. Nothing makes a girl more uncomfortable than body odor and/or bad breath.

8. Listen! You need to be a good listener. That works with most of the girls, they need someone who will patiently listen and understand them! There is a huge difference between "Hearing" and "Listening" so make sure you are actively listening to her.

9. Let her know about things she might be interested in. This will show her you remembered and are thinking about her, and the things she likes.

10. Don't forget her special occasions - especially her birthday.

11. Be truthful, there is no need to lie. Being honest during the dating process means you respect her wants and needs, but you also recognize your own. If you find yourself always apologizing or trying to soothe her ruffled feathers, you need to honestly decide whether or not the two of you are a match. Treating a girl well also means recognizing this truth, and telling her in a way that hurts as little as possible - as soon as you know.

12. Make her feel comfortable. Relax and enjoy the time you spend together.

13. Cooperate to understand her point of view if you disagree. Repeat or reflect her feelings so that she knows you really heard her. If it makes sense to you, apologize for your actions that upset her. If you feel you were in the right, however, tell her you didn't realize your actions would hurt her and you're sorry to cause her pain, and that you'll have to consider more carefully next time. As mentioned earlier - keep it real. Do NOT promise never to do it again if you don't intend to keep that promise. If the thing that upsets her is a thing that is fundamental to your personality, you might not be able to change it to a degree that will make her comfortable, and that may mean you will eventually have to part ways.

14. Be real with her, and with yourself. This cannot be stressed enough. If you find yourself saying or doing something and thinking another, step back. Take a look at yourself, and ask yourself what you really want. Share that self with her, because she can and will see that you aren't everything that you say and do.

Tips:

• When you are at a restaurant, sit across from her at the table (unless the table is really long, in which case you should sit next to her). Allow her to sit facing the room, while you face the wall. This way you give the impression that you require no view other than her beauty.

• Some girls won't want you to pay their way; if that's the case when you offer, don't press the issue. It's the thought that counts, and she's sure to recognize your courtesy.

• Taking her to places that cost lots of money isn't necessary. Take her to the park, maybe buy ice cream on the way; that way you interact with her. If you do go to the movies, plan on going for coffee or dessert after (which means a light dinner, and less expense - bonus!) so that you can talk about what you just saw.

• Take things slow. Don't rush into an emotional or physical attachment just because you think you should.

• Look her directly in the eyes when you speak to her or when she is speaking to you. But don't be creepy about it. Staring is not considered attentiveness, it's considered weird.

• Pay careful attention to your manners at all times.

• Show that you are impressed by her, but don't forget to impress her with something different. Show you are different and sometimes crazy about life. Show her something that only you have got.

• Girls are constantly analyzing you, what you do, how you dress, dates you take them on and lots of other things. Take this into account and dress for the situation, as a good balance will keep them impressed. There's no point in dressing to impress, then being cheap about where you take her. It's like going to a nice restaurant in a tracksuit.

• Avoid the temptation to idolize her or put her on a pedestal. She is as human as you are, and the more willing you are to accept that, the less likely she is to disappoint you.

• Arrogant men don't get all the girls, confident guys do - and there's a huge difference. Women are less visually-oriented than men are, so even if you're not the most attractive guy in the world, your confidence will suggest that you're someone worth being with and your personality will back up that suggestion. Plus, if you are kind and warm when interacting with her and with others, she will see your value without your needing to have movie-star good looks. Just act & dress like a gentleman and everything should be sweet

• Opening doors and pulling out chairs for the girl is not old fashioned, it's cute! Any girl likes a boy who will treat her well.

• Hold her close to you and be gentle when it's necessary.

• Don't swear excessively or be crude. If you act immaturely, she is less likely to enjoy your company.

• Put yourself in her place and treat her accordingly. In other words, how would you wish to be treated, if you were her?

Warnings:

• Don't stutter, mumble, or say "Um" or "Uh"; that will make her think you're bored. Take your time and think about what you want to say before you launch into some rambling tirade.

• If she tells you about a personal problem, don't try to fix it. Just listen to her. (There are a few exceptions.) If she starts to cry, this is a big clue that she's really into you - it indicates that she trusts you enough to show she's vulnerable with you. A nice gesture here is to put your arms around her and just hold her. Don't say "Don't cry." Say, "Aww. It's going to be okay."

• If you exaggerate your compliments or are insincere, a girl can usually see through that.

• Make sure you're being yourself. If you act like a gentleman when you are alone with her, and then like a jerk when you're with your friends, she will catch on and you will run into trouble.

• Most importantly: Make sure she doesn't find out you tried to learn how to make her laugh reading articles on the Internet. At least not 'til your one year anniversary. By then she's definitely into you and minor things like that won't hurt.

Taken from: http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Girl-Well
---

I know the majority of these points are basic common sense but its easy to forget sometimes. Guys, take notes! And girls, I have just performed a good deed for all of us ;)

To Side Effects: Hope you guys take in this How To Treat A Girl lesson, I'll be quizzing you about it! Bazillion points to whoever successfully answers my questions :)

You know you love me,
xoxo

Publish My Love

2008-05-26T23:55:00.002+10:00

First and foremost, I would like to wish Steenbus a very happy 16th birthday! I wish you all the best with whatever you do, I'll be there to support you every step of the way like you have with me :) Also a big birthday shout out to Hansel aka Green eggs & Hans! Hope you guys had a smashing birthday~!~!~!

Today was a fantastic day despite it being the one to kick start off my examination period. The morning was a complete daze, I was in the library for 2 hours trying to study for Modern History. I love the fact that all the Modern History students gathered together at a table to study and help each other out. I revised so much information, it felt like the info took up all the memory in my head! (It's probably worth 512MB)

To my surprise, my Modern Hist half yearly was only 1/7th of what I studied. It was so simple! A page of short answers and 2 long response questions. I hope that in saying the test was 'simple' I won't be' jinxing' my results or something..

So with 1 exam down and 5 to go, Steen and I decided to head off to Tommy's for a nutritional lunch :) Consequently, 'Britney', Davis and William were there and we had a fab talk about Pokemon, Indian stereotypes, the fact that a 'large' box of Tommy's chips is pretty freaking large, Mariah Carey's latest single, MILFs and 'how to grab a girl's attention at a party'. The conversation lasted longer than expected so we decided to drag it out to the park, ha. (The man at Tommy's was looking very suss.) The 'How To' guide continued as Tony pretended to be a girl and William tried his luck to grab Tony's attention. Lol to the max! On our way back to school (to study) the boys 'serenaded' Steen with "Side Effects" as a birthday present.

When we arrived at school, Steen, Thuy and I weren't bothered to study French so we sat down and ate what was left of the box of Tommy's. Steen and I decided that today was one of the best (in terms of conversations) and that we should continue for the rest of the week. (As relief from examinations.)

Lesson learnt: boys aren't so foreign after all. Oh, and they dig hot, I mean, pretty mums.

Anyways, I must study now. Wish me luck for the rest of week! I've got English and Biology tomorrow - more about that later ;)

You know you miss me,
xoxo

I wanna be forever young

2008-05-24T19:23:00.005+10:00

Mood: V. lazy
Music: Forever Young by Youth Group

I know I should be studying. I know I should be studying.I know I should be studying. I know I should be studying. I know I should be studying.I know I should be studying. I know I should be studying. I know I should be studying.I know I should be studying.

Butttttttt I'm totally not. It's the worst feeling because I skipped a surprise party for nothing! Well, that's not entirely true, it's just my fault that I'm not at my study table making v. important study notes for my upcoming half yearlies. I seriously thought that once I became a 'Senior' I would magically turn into a hardcore Asian student. I thought turning 16 would make me cram less. Well, that myths busted!

I shouldn't even be blogging but this new layout makes it way exciting to post stuff! (Thanks to Danny) There's some things I still gotta fix but overall, I'm quite proud to own such a spiffy blog.

This feels like such a waste of time. Blogging is so time consuming. Everything is so time consuming! Time is 'eaten' away (ha @ pun. Y'know, 'consume = 'eat') and before you know it, it's gone. The concept of 'time' was the #1 topic in the majority of my conversations. My friends and I have wondered where all our time has gone. We still clearly remember what it was like to be a Junior and not have much expected of us but now we're hit in the face with buttloads of tasks to complete. Everything is passing by so quickly and I don't like it one bit!

Soon enough, half yearlies will be so yesterday and I'll be off to the compulsory Year 11 camp, Crossroads. With activities such as mountain bike riding and rock climbing, Crossroads is the perfect way to unwind after a chaotic week of examination (!)

A lesson to take from my current whinge is to make the most of now: it will soon be gone.

Don't it always seem to go that 'you don't know what you got, til it's gone'?

2008-05-19T20:39:00.009+10:00

Like, youthful innocence for example. I started organising my table contents today, since y'know, organised work table = organised work life. Duh. The cleaning up took longer than expected as I delved into the forgotten realm of my younger years (I'm talkin' primary to teenybopper Year 8 years). I was happy and sad at the same time; happy because I've rediscovered these documents and sad because it's collected dust from the past. I also uncovered some pretty 'hectic' primary school photos:

(Click to enlarge)

I used to be cute, right?

Wicked shot. I even done my own hair that day.

For your own amusement.

I had this mega crush on that blonde, 2nd row, 3rd from the right.

MmMmm. I have this vivid memory back in the days when you had to elect Class Presidents in Primary. Half the guys got up and faced the whiteboard as the remaining students raised their hands to show the teacher how many students wanted a particular to become the Male Class President. Among my friends, the plan was to raise all our hands to elect Chris cos he was like, uber popular. The boys stood in alphabetical order and since Billy comes before Chris.. I raised my hand for Billy. Aaaaaaaah! I thought. And to make matters worse, I was the only one to raise their hand for Billy. Ha.

Hawt.

There was this phase where curly hair was the new freaking black so I begged my parents for curly hair. My wish was granted on one condition: that my father would have to take me. I knew this was entering a danger zone (for those who know my embarrassing father)but c'mon, it's curly hair! 2 hours later I came home with a perm. Dandy. Anyways, this is a few months later and I guess I got the curls I wanted. Except during this time straight hair was in. Gosh. P.S. Ignore the marks on random faces. My sister went crazy with permanent marker. And no, that is not a heart between my portrait and the guy diagonally across from me :)

--
Back to my desk clearing, as I rummaged through the past, I took particular interest in my academic progress over the years. I sure was a bright student from the very beginning (in all modesty). My average was an A and my lowest was C (for stupid Agriculture. What. The. Yeah, I used to go Hoxton, we had a farm at the back. We sophisticated!)

I was a total nerd in Year 8, esp. in English. One day we had to write a mini essay based on the phrase "How I Chose To Live My Life":

'The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.'

- Psalm 23:1-6

Christianity. My religious belief. Ever since I left my mum's womb on the 29th of April, I was a Christian. I believed in my Saviour, my spiritual Father, Lord Jesus Christ. Yes everyone had their beliefs: Buddha, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Santa Claus, leprechauns yadda yadda. Not necessarily all religious, but something to look up to, to look forward to. Santa equals to Christmas and the Easter Bunny equals to, well, Easter. My point is, Christianity shapes my life. If not for Jesus, us Christians believe that without His resurrection we all would've died in our sin. But not everyone is Christian, so not everyone will believe this. But I do.

Being Christian lets me have a reason to have faith in something that I cannot see, that I cannot hear. Being Christian gave me my many church friends. Being Christian opened my eyes to the greater good. I know the 10 commandments are there to follow and that the Bible is there to inspire. I know that I should love thy neighbour, that I should love my enemies, as I love myself. I know prayer is love through words to God. By knowing this, I know that bring good is way better than being bad in the long run.

People think that being religious is a disadvantage in your social records because if you're 'Christian', you automatically 'have to go to Church'. But I consider it as a privilege. It makes you feel good to sing songs of praise. People look up to you when you let loose and sing your heart out. (It's a sign of faith.) It makes you feel good when you are baptised. You feel clean and you feel ready to depend on God. You are cleansed.

God's words inspire me. They make me want to say and do something to make someones day. Sometimes when I'm down in the dumps, I think of what God would do. I've experienced many challenges in life, but God helps me out. I might not have hard proof of what God has done for me but it's nice to think of all the wondrous things He's done in my life.

I've experienced this one time when ______________. I saw it with my own eyes. With the help of my Pastor and his wife, they comforted my family through the words of God. ________________________. When I look back, I thank God that my family hasn't fallen apart like in those sad movies. My mum says she'll never leave my dad for anything. She thinks that her children will grow up screwed. Nice one, mum. I do admit that my family has the occasional biff but we get over it.

As Forest Gump goes, 'Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what's inside it' (or something similar). I agree. You never know what's around the next corner. At least I know God will be there for me with every step I take.

Yeah, total noobage. Who the heck uses 'yadda yadda' & 'way better' in an essay??!?!?! And who the heck forgets that Forest Gump line? There are many things I was too young to know better of. Like, those blank lines for example. I disclosed something very private in that essay (and yes, this essay was read out loud, by yours truly). Those were the days when you would tell the bigmouth your innermost secret because you thought your trust would change the size of their mouth (so to speak). Secondly, I don't consider myself 'religious'. To me, that is showcasing that you have a religious belief and that you think it makes you better than everyone else. Well, I say 'nay' to that sort of mentality. No one is ever better than anyone else. I truly believe that we are all equal - we all bleed red.

I have so much more to tell you guys about (i.e. more documents!) Ha, I embarrass myself! Til next time! ;)

You know you love me,
xoxo

One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

2008-05-14T19:25:00.003+10:00

Just about the time the shadows call,
I undress my mind and dare you to follow.
Paint a portrait of my mystery,
only close my eyes and you are here with me.
A nameless face to think I see
to sit and watch the waves with me, til they're gone.
A heart I swear I'd recognize is made out of my own devices
...could I be wrong?

Time that I've taken, I pray it's not wasted.
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me,
paint your shadows on the breath that we share.
You take more than just my sanity--
you take myr eason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need--
the sky itself will carry me back to you.

The things I dream that I can do,
I'd open up the moon for you...
Just come down soon.

Time that I've taken..I pray it's not wasted.
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love....

Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking.
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of one sweet love.

Weave your shadows in the breath that we share

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain,
sip on the southern rain, as I do,
I don't look, don't touch, don't do anything,
but hope that there is a you.

The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me, to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary suicide…
oh I wish I knew...

The time that I've taken,
I pray it's not wasted.
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting
for a heart worth the breaking..
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of one sweet love.

----

I'm loving Sara Bareilles' album atm, many thanks to Vee for getting it for my birthday :) One Sweet Love is one of my favourite songs. Make sure you check out her album, 'Little Voice'. It's owrth a listen!

I'm supposed to be typing up a speech due on Friday for English Advanced. It's based on Change and I have to relate it to not only Othello but to 2 other texts. I'm majorly confused but I'll manage somehow. I'm ever so grateful my teachers have decided to make the students say it in front of both English Adv classes *rolls eyes*. No, really, a major upside is that there is now a 1 in 60 chance of getting chosen randomly from a hat!

[Returns back to post 2 hours later]

I feeeeeeeeeeel sooooooooooo lazy! oeueowsuhweouthoue

We live in a beautiful world.

2008-05-13T19:12:00.004+10:00

Mood: Appreciative
Music: Clarity by John Mayer

Quoted from American Beauty (1999)

[While watching a plastic bag blow around in the wind on a video]
Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Ricky Fitts: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela Hayes: Why?
Ricky Fitts: Because it's beautiful.

Don't you wish you could look at a dead bird and see beauty?

Yeah, I'm not being insensitive but I don't think I've matured to the extent that I can reach 'deep' enough within me to find beauty in what we call 'trash' and 'dead animals'. But this film is inspiring on so many levels. So I don't have the maturity of a 60 year old but I can see the good in American Beauty. Mind you, I haven't seen the film in ages (being months) but I happened to remember the plastic bag scene today. Sometimes I struggle to see the good left in this world because I tend to dwell on all the cons, with all the crime and whatnot. Even petty things like having a bad hair day. Woe is me! But today I feel okay, I feel that life is worth living and that there is good in me and there is good in you. There is good in everyone and everything. Guess that's where they got that 'silver lining' quote from.

Just wanted to share my 'life's okay' mood with you, before I change my mind and hate my toenails or something. Also posted as an indication that I haven't abandoned my blog as yet!

I don't know what the lesson is today. So I'll share a cliche:

If you see someone not smiling, give them yours :)

You know I love you,
xoxo

Breathe In, Breathe Out - Mat Kearney

2008-05-08T23:22:00.005+10:00

Mood: Tired/ stressed/ crazy/ content
Music: 103.2 FM

Breathe in, breathe out,
Tell me all of your doubts,
& Everybody bleeds this way,
Just the same.

Breathe in, breathe out,
Move on and break down,
If everyone goes away i will stay.

We push and pull,
& I fall down sometimes,
I'm not letting go,
You hold the other line.

Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes.

Hold on hold tight,
From out of your sight,
If everything keeps moving on, moving on,
Hold on hold tight,
Make it through another night,
& everyday there comes a song with the dawn,
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes,
I'm not letting go,
You hold the other line.

Cause there is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes.
There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes.

Breathe in, and breathe out.
Breathe in, and breathe out.
Breathe in, and breathe out.
Breathe in, and breathe out.

Look left look right,
To the moon in the night.
& everything under the stars is in your arms.

Cause there is a light, in your eyes in your eyes.
There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes.
There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes.
There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes.
-----

Lovely song to listen to whilst hunching over in the computer seat, hoping your feet won't be swollen forever after 4.5 hours of chaotic shopping on a Thursday night.

Oh, but it definitely is Happy Hour right now :D Steen and I spotted Total Hottie in Woolworths twice before lining up for refreshments at Mac-donkey to end a tiring shopping spree. I was a customer behind from Steen, and when she turned around to face me after her purchase, she told me to 'look behind you (!!!)' in a hushed tone. I swung around like a blind bat and saw nothing of particular interest. She told me to try looking behind the person behind me and there he was!!! 'Total hottie'!!!!! I, being the ever so subtle character that I am, squealed and faced back to the front sharply. *Phew* Close call. I bought a frozen Coke then left the line, sad that I was a customer away from Total Hottie. I reluctantly dragged my feet across the food court then decided to turn around for one last look and ..he was looking back at me. *Faints!* I screamed then pushed my trolley full of party supplies towards the entrance of Liverpool Westfields. Steen laughed then looked back at him and screamed also. He was still looking!!! We lingered metres away from the entrance, hoping to sneak more peeks at himw ithout him noticing. Ahhhh!

Haha, I was calling it "Happy Hour" because at Little Hong Kong (asian food joint) has 'Happy Hour' around 4-5pm where all the food is like, $2-3 per take away box. Now it's been 2 hours after that incident and it's still Happy Hour! He was soooo stalking us. It's like, fate. Seeing him unintentionally isn't good enough for you? How about seeing the number plate 'BBY 467' while talking about him? EH? Enough destiny for you?

Lesson learnt: The more you want something (a la boypren), the less likely it will come. Therefore, the act of 'letting go' of petty needs somehow draws them to you. Unneccessarily, but conveniently :) I.e. after feeling battered and lethargic, seeing Total Hotties is literally a sight for sore eyes and a sensation for sore everything!

Mmmmmm..

2008-05-04T21:27:00.004+10:00

Mood: Frustrated. Less than perfect.
Music: Shiver/ God Put A Smile Upon Your Face by Coldplay; Be Be Your Love by Rachael Yamagata; Sleeping In by The Postal Service; November by Azure Ray

I am a human yo-yo. Watch me go on a rollercoaster ride.

Uh, "lesson learnt"? I am crazy.

Maybe you clicked on my link to find something enlightening or humorous. Guess this guy will have to do:

Cheers.

It's in the ABC of growing up.

2008-04-29T18:34:00.004+10:00

Song of the day/ week/ moment: Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap.

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years
You can’t keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a long time ago

It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a long time ago

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

-------

Personally, I don't relate to this song in a bf/gf sort of way. I think this song is more of a conversation with a best friend who is in need and the singer is reassuring them that it's okay, life has it's ups and downs and that they love them anyway. Whatever the friend feels bad about, it's 'okay by me'. So just a nice little shout out to the dearly beloved;

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

I love you all like no tomorrow. Thank you for the birthday wishes, they mean more to me than any material present in the world. Thank you for good times and bad times we've shared; the good have definitely out weighed the bad. I have grown so much with your love and support. I thank God for putting me on this earth so I could experience the richness of friendship. Either I'm having a bad case of lethologica or there really aren't any better words to express my gratitude other than Thank You.

What else have I learnt today? That no matter what age you turn, you'll never feel any different!! I'm 16 and I still feel like I'm 8. Ha. Oh and hugs are totally underrated. Give someone a hug now!

You know I love you,
xoxo.

New Soul.

2008-04-27T16:45:00.006+10:00

Foreword.

My apologies for that bleak entry I posted a few days ago. I was not in a happy place and needed a way to express that bad state of mind. I've decided to delete that entry, so another apology to those who 'missed out.'

I'm also trying a new approach in the way I blog. From now on I won't focus on blogging about my day or what I want. I want to share things that I've learnt or realised, sometimes by recounting my day. Sometimes it'll be what I've learnt through God's word, sometimes it'll be something interesting on the back of a Libra pad liner. Please don't stop reading because I've mentioned God, I don't believe in being a 'converter' anyways. True Christians are those who choose to follow and love God by their own free will. It cannot be forced. I only aim to share my thoughts and reflect on what I've recently learnt, hopefully inspire someone. And it just so happens that I think the most inspiring being ever is God.

3:53pm. In my bedroom.

I had a silent epiphany on the car ride home. I was thinking about why I was so down as of late because of this one person. They didn't hurt me intentionally or anything. All this time I have loved them. But it's not the kind of love I thought it was. This love was self seeking and obsessive, for the other person always managed to make me feel good. I realised that I do not want a love based on the other person. Nothing good can come from that. It's conditional. So what 'love' should I be practicing? Unconditional love. Agape love. Selfless altruistic love. All this time I wanted a lover who could satisfy my temporary desires to be held and looked at affectionately. It was so wrong to seek such love. It was a love that could never last for it was based on emotions. Emotions fleet, they are ever changing. Something as simple as the weather could change it entirely. However, unconditional love is not based on emotions.

So now I see that person as a brother, whom I can love unconditionally and expect nothing in return. For such love is so rare in today's society. Loving others in a self sacrificing manner is absolutely divine. In both contexts. Saint Therese once said, "It is easy to love someone who loves you, but it is divine to love those who are difficult to love." God loves us unconditionally. His love is such a divine love, that we could only hope and try to express. It can be difficult because humans aren't perfect and will therefore struggle to exercise this perfect love. Because when you love another unconditionally, you won't be satisfying your materialistic needs. You might not even be unconditionally loved back. Nevertheless, you will still find that it is rewarding. You will feel that you are doing some good in this world. And have you not always wanted another brother or sister? I can now honestly say that my friends are like family to me. (Lame pun)

I feel freshly renewed. I'm a New Soul. I don't expect you to be inspired to love unconditionally but this is the kind of love that really does last forever. It will at least last til your loved one passes away. It exists because they exist, not because they make your heart go boom or because they look real cute. Eventually even the heart stoppers won't make your heart stop anymore and their apparent cuteness will fade with age. So this is what I learnt today. When I think about it, love really is everywhere. Today I got a present for my upcoming birthday from my Youth pastor and his wife. They obviously gave it to me because it's my birthday, but they didn't mean to give it because they think I'm cute or because I 'deserve' it. It's because I am me and I exist and they love me. And before my mum and dad and siblings left to go to some crazy Asian house party, my mum didn't tell me what kind of food is available because she wants to make me fat or get rid of left over food. No, it's because I exist and I'm her daughter and she loves me. Look around you, sit and think: Where can you find love today?

For those who want to know more about this love and happen to have a Bible, the most popular (love) passage in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13.

You know I love you,
xoxo.

Honeyyy, I'm home.

2008-04-19T00:09:00.010+10:00

So, I've been M.I.A for gosh knows how long but here's a neat vid. to explain what happened:

It's basically my life story. (At least for the past few months i.e. ever since I started this blog.)

I don't know what's gotten into me, I seriously don't feel like 'doing'. I just feel like 'being'. I haven't even written in my diary for a month. Tragic. I like to keep a diary because it's fun to read and reflect upon years later. That's kinda the same reason why I started a blog too. Only this web 'diary' isn't as personal since it's open for everyone to see. I wanted to document my thoughts and memories because I'll be able to tell how much I've grown/ changed/ matured - whatever.

What have I been up to? How am I feeling? What's happening to me? I wouldn't say I'm having a 'rough' time at the moment but it's definitely not something I want to get used to. But I'm glad to say that I've been more active lately, jumping around for some reason and started to write in my diary again :)

I had a weird dream yesterday. They say once your dreams are decoded, they reveal your subconscious thoughts, your deepest desires or your memories. How about your nightmares?

I'm at school (but the classroom setting was totally foreign to me. Never been in a class like it.) and we had to get out the newspapers to update ourselves on the world around us (by 'us' I mean my friends, but I've never even seen these people in real life before. I think.) The front page news was about a psychopath (who appears from oblivion), apparently having a list of people to kill and that I was on top of the list. I didn't know why I was on the list yet I was horrified and became very paranoid of windows, fearing the possibility of getting shot by the psychopath once he saw me. Throughout my dream, I'm ducking under windows, passing out and running. I was absolutely terrified 24/7. There was no resolution. I don't know how the nightmare ended. I just somehow switched to a different setting with a different atmosphere, hence another dream. Its strange how I only recall my nightmares, not my dreams.

My interpretation of that nightmare is that I'm afraid of something but I know it's something I can't avoid, it's inevitable. A problem, an issue. I don't know why it's happening but maybe that's why I'm so afraid. There's no resolution because I haven't tackled the problem yet. Hope I build a bridge soon or I'll be having nightmares for a while.

I should probably fill you stalkers in with what I've been doing all this time. So last time I blogged was 9th of April, during last week of school. I attended school the whole week, yes, including the Friday. All I remember from that week was the 'Yes' paper incident and that darned English listening exam I had on the Friday. It was the most discussed topic of the day.

That Saturday was Stephany's 16th party. It was a blassssssssssst darling, hope you read this. I want a fondue set for my birthday :) Or a karaoke machine. Oh and her cake was awesome, there was a picture of this busty blonde chick on her typical asian fruit cream cake.

Hot.

My group, L3 - Luscious Little Ladies, got her the traditional collage-of-photos-in-a-frame, a black quilted Lonsdale bag, a Bardot dress, Message In A Bottle (a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel of the same name), and a friendship quote book.

The birthday girl & I

The best L3 photo I could find.

My SYTYCD partner :)

The following week has been a total bludgeeeeeeeee and waste of my life! I done absolutely nothing on the first 2 days of my school holidays! It felt okay at the time but in retrospect I realise I could have used those 48 hours to study!

On Wednesday Aly, Helen, Ook and Robo decided to crash over my house for fun. We watched The Amityville Horror for the first 2 hours then laughed at my seriously embarrassingly asian dad the hour after. If 'embarrassing' were a noun, it would be my father. He decided to 'test' out my totally rusty karaoke machine by SINGING lame 90's music as he basked in the laughter of my tween friends. He must have confused it for approval or something. We decided to do some karaoke-ing of our own then had a sweet little d&m. It was mainly my life since everyone else refused to talk and I refused to not talk. It worked out well. The boys went home early because they're mummy's boys but the girls stayed to chat a while longer.

Helen, Robert, Jenny & Ook

Doesn't Queen 'Lobo' look fab here?

Oh, I should explain the whole Queen Lobo title. It all began when my 'embarrassing' aka 'father' asked the tweens what song requests they had for karaoke. Since no one could think of anything my dad asked if Lobo would be okay. Robert was alllllll for it. Hence the Lobo title. We decided to chuck 'Queen' in since he looks ever so posh in the photo above. 'Twas a fun day :D

The next day I went over to Row's house to start practicing our jazz dance routine for CCNF Awards '08. I'm pretty happy with how far we got, 1:15 worth! :) We cracked up so much when we first tried dancing. We then got totally exhausted after hours of dance so Row cooked me egg. Yeahhhhhhhhh :) She wanted to scramble it but I told her it's way nicer if it's not. So she done some weird flippy thing to it. We then retreated to her room, armed with chocolate biscuits and french fries and had a nice d&m. I left her house with a great amount of respect and appreciation for all those dancers out there. They are so underrated! The ability to move your body to form a 'move' is a great achievement within itself. To loose all your inhibitions and just dance to the beat is such a beautiful act. Which I could not comprehend before trying to do so myself. Much admiration to all you dancers out there! When I got home I still felt like twirling around, so I did. Wish I was a ballerina. I ended up exercising for 2 hours. Boo yah. All you really need to keep going is that little bit of effort to begin with!

And today, I felt sick in the morning so I couldn't go over to Bryan's to practice the group dance for Monday :( I rested as much as I could during the day, which was easy enough to do. Aly and Helen came over around 5 to prepare for band prac. Aly asked me to do that Grecian braid across the crown of her head since she was feeling that pre-formal fever. She also pointe dout how I'm always wearing black to band prac but I said it that it just so happens to always be freezing cold on Friday nights!!

Sang my lungs out then got home at 9:30pm, Judy was watching Sleepless In Seattle. Oh how I love that movie. If you are a hopeless romantic, this is the movie 'that started it all'. You know what the tag-line is? What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew was the only someone for you? *Heart melts* I love Meg Ryan's character, she is so stalkerish. She hears some guy talking about how much he loves his recently deceased wife and suddenly she falls head over heels for him and travels from Baltimore to Seattle to find him. Very sweet with a dash of 'what the'. But it still satisfies my appetite.

You know you totally still love me,
xoxo.

You-had-to-be-there~!

2008-04-09T20:57:00.006+10:00

*Christine and Jenny walking to class via pathway that runs from the school's front gates. A truck has stopped near the gate to deliver cartons of 'Yes' branded paper.*

Christine: Is that paper?
Jenny: 'Yes'.
*Both girls crack up for several minutes*
Christine: Man, we gotta blog that.
Jenny: Omigawd, we haven't blogged in agesssssss.
Christine: Naw, but it was one of those 'you-had-to-be-there-moments'!
Jenny: Meh, I'm still going to blog it!

So I did. Hope you enjoyed that :)

Counting down the days, hours and seconds til the April holidayzzzzzzzzzz!~!!@!~! 2 days, 57 minutes and 35 seconds to be exact. Yes Yes Yes! Lots to do these holidays, other than study for half yearlies of course. Time to tidy up my bedroom, do some actual shopping, plan a 16th, attend other parties, attend CCNF awards '08..

WHICH REMINDS ME. NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN DANCE :"( After the ever so bright Vee suggested a So You Think You Can Dance performance for CCNF to carry out, I was included to even out the numbers of performers. I have to pose as a guy since CCNF are short on guys and well.. my initials are the same as J.D, that hip hop guy from SYTYCD. So Rowena got my name out of the 'barrel' aka plastic sleeve and we got Jazz for our genre. Rowena started mimicking Stephanie and Marko's routine which was danced to Untouched by The Veronicas. She done those weird kicking moves with her left leg. Then it occured to me that their genre was Jive. Which was why I laughed. I don't think she realised, but oh well. What was my point? Oh yes, I DON'T THINK I CAN DANCE. Theres going to be people watching too and goodness, video cameras!

I should be studying for a CAFS test but then I started straightening my hair then I read a bit from Jodi Piccoult's, 'Nineteen Minutes' then I watched a bit of House then I realised I have an attention span of a 5 year old. I don't feel like blogging anymore. I promise I'll come back. And fill you in on my party plans.

Ta,
xoxo

Je suis désolé.

2008-04-05T23:26:00.003+11:00

Translation: I am sorry.
For not posting.
My fingers are 'too gay to function'.
Will make amends.
Later.

Get what you want but not what you need.

2008-04-05T23:09:00.002+11:00

Nude by Radiohead

Don't get any big ideas
They're not going to happen
You paint yourself white and fill the noise
But there'll be something missing

And now that you found it, it's gone
Now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

Don't get any big ideas
They're not going to happen
You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

And now that you found it, it's gone
And now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

Lazy Week Mood Activated

2008-03-31T23:25:00.004+11:00

Okay, so I'm really not bothered to blog about today even though it was super interestingggggggggg. Luckily enough I've got blogger friends who are on blogging streaks so I can mooch off them (while giving credit of course).

This was what happened between Steen & I at Lunch - Steen's latest blog entry:

#17 Food can tell you SO much
Monday, March 31, 2008

I thought i'd just blog to let ya'll know im still breathing. Today while Jenny and I were walking to the canteen, we started talking about our love lives. Well i got carried away so when it was my turn to buy i didnt know what to buy, so i just
stared at the chips stand for a good 30 seconds and finally said "can i get a packet of burger rings please". Got out of line and realised i wanted Doritos not Burger Rings. We talked some more and then some how got to the topic of comparing food with our love lives. So after doing some experiments (running around asking random people what they think the Burger Rings were saying to them, let go? OR dont let go?) we have come to a conclusion that my head wants me to not let go (burger rings) but my heart wants me to let go (doritos) and the reason why im not letting go is because
"im hungry for love". Well Jenny bought one of those heart lollipops and i accidently dropped it and it smashed SO she's brokenhearted at the moment = LOLOL it was an awesome lunch :D

OMG GALA Comedy Fest is on! it's absolutly positively ROFL-ING hilarious! I wish i was a comedian :( damn you funny people! you can make so much money by saying stupid things *sigh i reckon thats the best profession out there.

Im gonna go stalk comedians now (;

Basically, we over analysed our current situation by relating it to past situations. That's kinda what all girls do. Well, girls like me. I don't think anyone who buys Burger Rings would be able to make decisions regarding their love lives based on the packaging but that was what Steen and I did. Which probably means we made it all up, but the analogy worked out well. Reading this, you'd probably be totally confizzled right now, so I'm guessing it's on of those "You had to be there!" moments.

I love You Had To Be There moments~!@#!

Oh and yes, I also watched the Melbourne Comedy Festival Gala of 2008! It was seriously side splitting! If you watched it also, you could classify my humour with the likes of the "Kristen Schaal is a horse" act. I know, I know. IT WAS STUPID! BUT I loved it. Utterly loved it. I also fancied the first couple of acts then I felt it went sort of bland in the middle.

Nothing else to say, just that I'm trying really hard to sleep earlier this week (!)

You know you love me,
xoxo

P.S> Oh my goodness, Chris Crocker looks pretty here. This is a 5 second video entitled, Best video EVER! where he blinks twice. Awesomeeeeee (!)

Lazy Weekend Mood Activated

2008-03-29T16:20:00.005+11:00

I've been doing nothing (literally) until now. Woke up at 12pm and stayed in bed til 1pm, then I wasted an hour on the Hoyts website browsing through this year's upcoming movies and reading their synopsis'. There's a lot of variety this year, and they don't all look crummy :) Can't wait til the April holidays! I'm liking the looks of Prom Night, Paris, Smart People & The Painted Veil (out of the April releases)

I've been in a stalkerish mood for the past 2 days, just yesterday I browsed through all my previous Bebo comments, trying to get to my first ever comment. It didn't work out. I think there's like, a comment storage limit or something :"( The last comment I found was made 2 years ago! I'm pretty sure I made Bebo 3 years ago. Anyways, as I was on my quest for the 1st Bebo comment ever made, I started to read some of the comments I've received. Judging by the most earliest ones, I was one weird kid in Year 8.

I feel a rant coming up but I've got time constraints - I gotta get ready for LURM aka Leave UR Mumma @ home night (creative, aye?. It's a monthly youth night, open for Christians and non-Christians a like, where we all get to play games and have a mini sermon in between :) Each LURM has a theme (well, the past 3 had themes) and this month's theme is Pirates. Arr. I shall promote it after I get home tonight :D Here's some pretty posters for you to stare at:

You know you love me,
xoxo

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

2008-03-29T16:09:00.004+11:00

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

And it starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just mmmmm

And they start in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever wherever wherever you go
wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

---

What a cute song, yeah?

Wish I was a bird.

2008-03-28T16:41:00.000+11:00

I want freedom.

"And I quote"

2008-03-27T23:23:00.007+11:00

I decided to make a new label, "Quotes". To make this new Label feel welcome, I'm going to quote some of my favourite quotes. Well, those that I manage to think of right now.

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."- Alexander Pope

"There's beauty in the breakdown." - Frou Frou

"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them." - Jack Brown

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it." - Swedish Proverb

"Things do not change, we change." - Henry David Thoreau

"Nobody ever died of laughter." - Max Beerbohm

"This one time she punched me in the face.. and it was awesome." - Desperate Wannabe from Mean Girls

Oh, and lolll. I could quote Mean Girls or Juno all dayyyyy!

Leah: Yo yo yoiggady yo!
Juno: I'm pregnant.
Leah: What? Honest to blog?
Juno: Yeah. It's Bleeker's.
Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?
Juno: This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.
Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?

I loved this scene esp. cos of the hamburger phone Juno used to call Leah with. It actually exists btw~! Exists here: http://www.uxcell.com/desktop-corded-hamburger-phone-telephone-like-the-movie-juno-yellow-p-2805.html

Argh, total want!!!!!111111oneoneoneone

Hmm, ran out of quotes (though I'm quite sure I've got waaay more). So over rover!

Just a 'heads up' so you know I'm still puffin' oxygen.

2008-03-27T22:52:00.006+11:00

Tired and unmotivated. Biking a lot but not homeworking. Staying up unorthodox hours doing assessment tasks. Sleeping at 5am, waking at 7am. Stressing stressing stressing. Yesss, I finished my work (!) School, lol with friends. Cute guys at Mock Trials, which my school lost (it was close!). OH WELL, THEY WERE CUTE. WE WON ANYWAYS! *Swoons*

Incredible highs, incredible lows. Perhaps I'm bi-polar.

After I rode my bike for an hour (bumped into Thanh, Phillip and Bona somehow), I slumped on the couch and reluctantly munched on stir fried vegetables. I'm getting too lazy to eat. Weird how I've got the energy to bike but not to move my teeth up and down. Showered, then felt an urge to google up Pride & Prejudice. Read the full synopsis of Pride & Prejudice today (2005 version with Keira Knightly). No, did not make me feel better. Does Mr Darcy even exist? Gosh. He's like Santa or something. YouTubed Devon. Watched 'La Choy'. Was seriously fascinated by a 1:39 min vid of some guy making noodles with those Kanye West glasses on. Favourited the vid and subscribed to his channel.

Again, didn't even look at homework. Watched Legally Blonde 2 instead.

"Well I’ll tell you, it’s about something that’s bigger than me or any single act of legislation. This is about a matter that should be at the highest importance to every American. My hair.

You see, there’s this salon in Beverly Hills. It’s really fancy and beautiful but it’s impossible to get an appoinment there. I mean, unless you’re Julia Roberts or one of the girls from 'Friends' you can just forget it. But one day, they called me - they had an opening. So I was finally going to get the chance to sit in one of those sacred beauty chairs. I was so excited. Then the colourist gave me Brassy Briggite instead of Harlow Honey. The shampoo girl washed my hair with spiral perm solution instead of color intensive moisturizing conditioning shampoo. Finally the stylist... gave me a bob. With bangs.

Suffice to say it was just wrong, all wrong, for me you know? First I was angry and then I realized my anger was completely misdirected. I mean this wasn’t the salon’s fault. I had sat there and witnessed this injustice and I had just let it happen. I didn’t get involved in the process. I forgot to use my voice. I forgot to believe in yself but now I know better. I know that one honest voice can be louder than a crowd. I know that if we lose our voice or let those who speak on our behalf, compromise our voice than this country, this country is in for a really bad haircut. So speak up America , speak up." - Elle Woods

Wowzer. That speech is totally right up there with Martin Luther King's. No sarcasm (!) Okay, I was sarcastic. But she's got a point. Speak up stalkers.

Ooh, it's 11:11! *Closes eyes, makes wish/ thinks of someone/ complies to whatever 11:11 means* Yeah, wishing is tiresome.

You, Guy Fawkes, know you love me,
xoxo. (Refer to tagboard)

iTunes playlist: Bubbly by Colbie Caillat; Recovery by New Buffalo; Boring by The Pierces

'Jenny Somebody'

2008-03-24T13:35:00.006+11:00

Woke up at noon today, oh, blissful long weekends. I'm in total holiday mood, can't believe I have to go school tomorrow. Ahh.

I switched on the tele and Channel 9's midday movie flicks on. It was Joe Somebody, a story of a man who was publicly humiliated in front of his workmates and daughter by the work bully after being punched in the face in the car park on 'Bring Your Kid To Work' Day. He slips into a depression and decides to redeem himself again and become a 'somebody' by getting fit and punching out the bully.

The moral of the story? Uh, tbh, I didn't watch the beginning, nor the end of this movie, I just bluffed the storyline with bits and pieces of what I read off the internet. But it was interesting how the guy wanted to be a 'somebody' in his workplace.

Don't we all want to be somebodies, not nobodies? Some turn to the vicious circle of bitching and gossip because after all, you're "no one until you're talked about".

Some dress up, dress down, trying to attract attention from the opposite sex (or the same sex, whichever floats your boat).

Some change their sexual orientation to fit into their crowd, or conversely, stand out.

Some become over dramatic, and over sensitise themselves to things happening around them.

Some act hyper active/ happy/ sad/ mature/ immature all the time.

Hey, it doesn't matter. At least you're somebody, right?

I find it wrong. It's like lying to not only yourself but everyone around you. Lie upon lie, you make up this person you think will make you noticed. You put on this persona, wear this mask, people notice you, success. Everyday you wake up, it's a new day! (... to not be me) You put on your mask, masquerade around as whoever you want to be.

What ever happened to who you are? You don't want to be noticed because of who you aren't. That's attention for all the wrong reasons. Wouldn't it be nice to just wake up and just be who you are? You'd definitely breathe easier since you won't have that 'mask' on you all the time.

It's okay to be you, you don't have to pretend. Life's not a masquerade, it's not a performance. It can feel like one, but it's definitely not. Life is.. life. You live it, don't act it. Who cares if that guy/ girl doesn't see you. You're probably just ignoring the other one who is secretly infatuated by your real self and hurts when you fake it. Who cares if you no longer fit in with your 'friends'. If they don't like you for who you really are, they're not worth your time. And who cares if you get weird looks for what you wear or how you wear it. I'm not saying that they're simply just jealous but they'd probably be envying your confidence.

Don't act to be a somebody, live to be you.

Oh, you know you love me,
xoxo.

iTunes playlist: Sarah Blasko's 'What The Sea Wants, The Sea Will Have' album. Repeats: The Woman By The Well; [Explain]; Amazing Things.

Michael Cera? HelloOo ;)

2008-03-20T15:48:00.013+11:00

Yesssssssssssss. I finished that report I was whinging about. Like, today o__o I totally didn't do anything yesterday, had no motivation! So when I finished, I was pretty pleased. I was going to post it up for you stalkers to read but I decided not to. (I gotta get my marks back before its safe to post!) It only took me 2 hours to do after finding motivation from thin air (at 9am in the morning). I stayed home like a sucker, pulled a really bad fake sickie.

Me: *Grabs stomach* Owwwww... I have a stomach acheeee.
Dad: *Looks back to my brother in his sports uniform* Okay, I get it. You don't want to run the Cross Country today.
Me: Uh.. yeah. That.

I bludged until 9am then had that motivation spark and finished at 11am. Told my dad to hand it in to the office for me (yeah, yeah, that assessment manual said NOT to do that). I sure hope he didn't act Asian and just leave it on the counter.

Not only did I manage to do a 6 week report in 2 hours, I cleaned my room (and the whole entire house for that matter), done other chores then decided to go bike riding.

Bike riding is soooo in ;) (Says who? Says me!)

I biked for an incredible 1 hour and took the bike trail near my house. At that time I totally forgot that it was the same trail my schools Cross Country was running! Silly me went bike riding the day the school had Cross Country at the hottest hour of the day. Freaking 2pm.

On top of that, the year that was running at that time was my year. So all these people in my grade saw me bike riding. I hope they think bike riding is cool. No wait, I hope not. The dorkier the situation, the more Michael Cera I become.

He is so adorkable. He's the epitome of awkward situations. This is shamelessly ripped off from Girlfriend magazine but its a really good example of a Michael Cera situation: Seeing someone you know a few metres away, making eye contact, looking down, not knowing whether or not you know them well enough to wave Hello. So you don't.

Oh and, I don't buy Girlfriend. My friend does 8-)

Whenever I ride my bike, I listen to this rad radio station FBI, 94.5FM. It's an independent Sydney-based station and has the best music evurrrr. I don't really have the time to sit down with my pen and paper out to note songs and stuff, but today on the way home I was listening to this song. The lyrics totally grabbed me. It was Moving To New York by The Wombats:

I've just had the craziest week
Like a party bag of lies, booze and then deceit
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud
It's therapeutic somehow

So like, I've heard of The Wombats but I didn't really take notice of them. The first song I heard from them was Kill The Director. That song is fantastic also but the beat of the song turned me off the first listen. I don't know why because now that I listen to it, I think it's quite catchy. Esp. the Bridget Jones part. The lyrics are cute and relate-able.

I've met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh what a skill to have
Oh what a skill to have

The lead singer sounds a bit like Kele Okereke of Bloc Party. Both songs are worth listening to and over analysing so check em outttt!

*Clears throat* So it's come to my attention that some people don't like my blog. (Refer to poll on side bar). Why not? Actually, why didn't you guys leave a comment or something so I at least know why my blog isn't your 'thang'. I'm not saying I'll change my blog just to suit your needs but like.. yeah. I totally asked for it, didn't I? By putting that poll up. Oh, wretched me.

Hmm, my face is red like a tomato. Sunscreen does not do me justice!!!! And I'm not really a hat person =/ Even though I keep saying how much I want the school's latest uniform addition, the bucket hat. Ha. It's just cute, okay? Like, dorky cute. Like Michael Cera cute. Like [insert stalkees name] cute - the one who carries around Christmas shopping bags. Oh, have I told you that he's got another one? It's a pretty blue colour :) He's so fashionable.

What was I on about? I need to chill to LazyTown~!~!~! (ABC1, 4:10pm weekdays).

(LOL! Is that guy for-realzzzzz? You gotta watch it, the guy is so plastic. In both senses too. He's the evil guy in the show. Gosh, his face is evil!)

You know you love me,
xoxo

iTunes playlist: Kill The Director by The Wombats; Moving To New York by The Wombats; Kissing Song by Dawn Landes; No Party by New Buffalo

Tell Me Why..

2008-03-19T19:11:00.004+11:00

.. Why I'm so lazy? Gosh, procrastination to the max. I've got a 3 page report to do for CAFS and I'm not bothered to finish off the half that I started. It's due tomorrow and I've got less than 8 hours to accomplish 6 weeks worth of work.

Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving. Wish I was 30, flirty and thriving.

Oh, and as a continuation of my last post on wishes - yeah, I've got a wish in mind. BUT I'M SO NOT TELLING YOU! :s (P.S> It's got nothing to do with my age or school work!)

You know you still love me,
xoxo

You want three wishes.

2008-03-18T23:34:00.009+11:00

Three Wishes by The Pierces

We'd be so less fragile

If we're made from metal

And our hearts from iron

And our minds from steel

If we built an armour

For our tender bodies

Could we love each other

Would we strive to feel

And you want three wishes:

One to fly the heavens

One to swim like fishes

And then one you're saving for a rainy day**

If your lover ever takes her love away

You say you want to know her like a lover

And undo her damage, she'll be new again

Soon you'll find that if you try to save her

It renews her anger

You will never win

And you want three wishes:

You want never bitter

And all delicious

And then one you're saving for a rainy day**

If your lover ever takes her love away

You want three wishes:

One to fly the heavens

One to swim like fishes

You want never bitter

And all delicious

And a clean conscience

And all it's blisses

You want one true lover with a thousand kisses

You want soft and gentle and never vicious

And then one you're saving for a rainy day

If your lover ever takes her love away

I always thought people were stupid for not wishing for a million other wishes with one of their initial three wishes. But then again, that totally defeats the purpose of having three wishes to start with. What you wish for reflects your values and standards, and your top 3 wishes show what you value most. Wishing for a gazillion other wishes would reflect one's own greedy nature, aye?

But seriously, I have a 4 page report for CAFS due on Thurs and I'm nowhere near finished :( I wish I was more studious and more of a geek people saw me as. Oh, but some don't see me as a geek 8-) Hope that someone is reading this or else I'll just sound totally big headed.

You'd expect girls in Teen Pageants to wish for world peace or just peace in general. Pop quiz: How would we know we were at peace if we were always at peace? Without some sort of war we'd be completely oblivious to the state we live in. How do we know what peace is like? By seeing all the devastation and terror in the news, hearing about it from a friend, experiencing it. After that, we know peace is the exact opposite. So no, I wouldn't be wishing for world peace. That's not something us humans are capable of sustaining over a long period of time. Not on Earth, anyways. I believe I will find eternal bliss and be at peace once I'm in Heaven, given that I be a good girl :)

So if I don't wish for peace, what else could I wish for? I read another interesting article in CAFS the other day, it was based on communication between males and females, particularly couples. They say what men want the most is to be loved whereas women want to be understood. Understood. Totally. Deffie. Agreed. Not that women don't want to be loved but heck, you gotta understand us to love us as well. Wouldn't you men just love to somehow comprehend a fifth of our actions? Okay, that's a double-edged sword. The life and times of a female tween is particularly difficult to experience itself. Understanding it could be tough but it'd allow you to understand the woman behind the chaos and all. So my wish to be understood would give me a peace of mind. It'd be amazing to find someone who understood me since I don't even understand myself some days.

So Jenny, you're down to your last wish. What ever could it be? I could save it for a rainy day** (song reference), but you know me, I splurge. I'm the suckkiest saver evurrrr! Quitter, sucks at saving. There's a correlation (!) I could stick to the oh-so-cliche wish to 'find love' but from wish-speak literally translated to English, that means: I want to open my eyes.

Oh, don't you get it?! Love is everywhere. From your mother's sweat to your existing friendships to a stranger's kindness - they're signs of their love for you. So open your eyes. Ever sat and wondered why your mum bothers cooking for your family, why the heck she spends all her time cleaning? Why do you have friends? (No, really). They love you, right? They're not just people who hang around 'just because'. They value your friendship and acknowledge your importance. By "a stranger's kindness", I don't imply stalkerish love but their simple act of common courtesy surely cannot be out of hate. I don't mean full-romance love either. There are many different types of love, but that's another entry.

I think I'd save my last wish, for now. I should go to sleep earlier tonight, goodness, I've been going to bed at like, 2am on a regular basis. UNHEALTHY!!!! Not only is it unhealthy, but I need sleep if I'm gonna wake up 10 minutes earlier tomorrow morning. I'm usually arriving to school on the bell or late but tomorrow I gotta hand in my Biology excursion note in the morning. Yes, the excursion is tomorrow. Yes, it's that wonderful journey to the creek I was talking about in a previous post. Yes, I'm super excited (!) NB: For all you n00bs, (!) is an indication of sarcasm.

Huzzah, 5 periods of creek watching awaits.

You know you love me,
xoxo

iTunes playlist: The Pierces. (I'm getting so lazy that I'm not bothered to organise a playlist on iTunes anymore. I just click on an artist and that's it. Zzz)

Scarlet.

2008-03-16T23:49:00.003+11:00

Yeah, I absolutely hate periods. Period. (Hope you made that connection with my blog title. Cos the majority of my blog titles are from songs and stuff, so.. ha.) Hope that explains my crazy mood swings as of late!

Spent half my day at church then the rest at Helen's. I helped her clean up her home and waited for Thuy & Aly to come over. We ate so much, we had food babies! And took sooo many photos, goodness. I'll upload after they upload.

I have a ridiculous amount of work to do :( Wish I was suddenly 30. (Thirty, flirty and thriving!)

But I'm tireddddddddddddd!@~!@~!!!~!!!!@#!@

Ugh.

I am temperamental. Like a heart without a home.

2008-03-15T22:56:00.008+11:00

Okay. I feel better now. Ah, I feel so up and down all the time.

I had an okay day today. You know how I said I was getting ready for bowling with friends? (Refer to previous post). Yeah, scrap that. I was on the way to AMF ffld when Helen, or rather, Thuy on Helen's phone called me and said that there was some team playing there and that there were no lanes left. OUHFOS! So I told my dad to stop driving even though we were on Cumberland Hwy. After lots of frustrating "WHATTT?"s we resorted to movies @ Stockies. Which consequently was the same place Thanh's birthday thang was held at. It was a lol situation. That is, lol at me for acting dog at Thanh's party for Helen's and now they're held at the same place. I saw Kathy and Andy first, then Jenny L and Fong. There was lots of o__o whatchu doing here?! so I decided to back into the cinemas.

I was staring at the movie title screen and gosh, crap-o-mania. None of the seemingly good movies were out yet (The Black Balloon, Hey Hey It's Esther Blueburger) and Helen wasn't crazy over The Other Boleyn Girl either. We settled with Jumper and I spent a ridiculous $10.59 on a medium combo (popcorn/ frozen coke) to share amongst my friends.

The theatre was virtually empty when the party gang walked in. Totally fine by me :D Thuy explained that Jumper was old by now. Say what? I just heard a review about it 2 weeks ago! Okay, that's old. I started to get comfortable (***LOL - inside joke) when these girls walked in, laughing their asses off. I ignored it since it was only the ads rolling and they just entered so, whatever. They started to really bug me when they were just constantly chattering, even after the movie started. Aly and Thuy weren't back from their food hunt yet (since the food at the cinema was $$$$$ and they were $) so when they did come back, Thuy was in an absolute hurry and suddenly tripped. It was sooo not funny yet the girls instantly cracked up. I was furious. Should have chucked my popcorn at them!

Nherh, so the kitten has claws.

Thankfully, the queen bee of the group left the cinema for some reason (good riddance!) and so the wannabes left. (Based on Aly's observations.)

Jumper was a reasonably good movie. Zomgggg, the main guy was so cute! Both the actors who portrayed him when he was young and older. Ahhhh :) No wonder Rachel Bilson is dating the older 'him' - Hayden Christensen. She was gorgeous in the movie, as ever. I really wished they put more work into the ending, though. It was kinda dull. Shouldn't be spoiling it for you guys so just watch it! Its still worth a watch despite the blah ending.

We walked out the theatre at around 7ish, excitedly exchanged reviews and went to pee. I saw Heaven holding a palette of cupcakes (which was Thanh's cake) as we walked out of the cinema. I really liked her dress, it was light pink with large black leopard print. I also liked Kathy's dress today, it was aqua-blue with a feather-shaped pattern. Thuy, Aly, Tramanh and I kept Heaven company as we waited for Thanh and co to finish up at the restaurant. As a gang of asians (and non asians) started coming towards us, Heaven hid behind Steph before we all shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to Thanh. Thuy & I said our 'Hi!'s and had our chit chats before Thuy's dad came to pick us up. The gang were singing Happy Birthday to Thanh really loudly when I walked back to Thuy's car. Thanh has a pretty good turn-up to his 16th party, even without me attending. Hope it was fully sweet Thanh, you bloody rangaaaaaaa :D As I'm on a birthday roll, Happy 16th to you too Helen! :)

Helen wasn't able to hold a get together at her house after movies today since we had Bible Study on. (The 'get together' is after Church tomorrow - I'll have photos up soon!) As Thuy's car moved down towards the church entrance, I didn't see anyone inside. Hmm. Helen approached us and told us that practically no one decided to show up. Pastor Dom was sitting alone before Helen, Simon, my brother and my sister turned up. I was shocked, was it really that bad?

I got out of the car, said 'thu' (someone Viet tell me I spelt that right =s) to Thuy's dad and skipidee deed to Helen. Pastor Dom was slumped in his seat at the corner of the room and I could tell he was disappointed. I tried cheering him up with a bright 'Hello!' but he just managed a weak smile. *Sigh*

We decided to start the study when no one showed after 15 minutes of waiting for any late-comers. The study was on the Holy Spirit. It was fairly nice, I learnt a few things. The Holy Spirit is of course, God, as one of the Trinity. It teaches us, leads us, speaks to us and comforts us. Helen asked if the Holy Spirit was 'that voice inside your head'. Pastor Dom replied with, No, that's our conscience. But the Holy Spirit does affect it. All Christians have the Holy Spirit in their lives, which is logical since the Holy Spirit is God. I learnt that the Holy Spirit is in my life (and every other Christian's life) because it teaches me and guides me so that my transformations may glorify and honour God. But isn't the Holy Spirit God anyways? Yeah.. that can be confusing. In fact, I just confused myself by adding in that question. Gosh, this just supports the fact that the more you know, the more questions you have.

Ah, I have to get up earlier than usual because Church starts at 10am tomorrow :s The youth now have Sunday School!!!111oneone (As in, another bible study, quizzes included.) Hooray for those permanent bags/suitcases under my eyes. I hold this belief that I was born with eye bags. I do not recall a time that I woke up without them. Oh wretched internet!

Yeah, you could say church takes over my life but I say, church is life! God is life :)

You know you love me,
xoxo

iTunes playlist: X&Y by Coldplay; Pretty Eyes by Jasoon Reeves; Mad World by Gary Jules; Scarlet by Brooke Fraser.

PMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSSOKJSODSKJDKS

2008-03-15T22:50:00.000+11:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This is how I feel right at this moment.

That is all.

One More With Feeling

2008-03-15T14:34:00.007+11:00

Don't let the people make you think that just because you're young you're useless
You know it's not naive to think that you can change the things around
and that no man is an island

For I'd rather be a pebble in an ocean vast and drown alone
Than make no sound

Ahhh shoot. I should be like, doing chores then getting ready to go to bowling with friends. Yet I'm here, in front of my computer. Blogging. Yeah, I'm blogging so you guys know I'm still alive :)

Mental block. Mental block. Mental block

Oh right, I wanted to quote this quote before.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. - Charles Caleb Colton.

I'm currently reading Double Cross by James Patterson. (Y'know, that guy who wrote the Women's Murder Club Series and Kiss The Girls.) It's freaking good, If you're itno suspensefull thriller books then James Patterson is your guy. That quote was mentioned because it's based on this psychopath who loves audiences for his killings and as you all know (or not), killers always have copycats.

Remember those Primary days when we'd be bitching with our friends about that girl whos always following us or copying the words we say or the things we bought at the canteen or that top we wore at Sandy's party?

Perhaps it still happens now.

Well, take it as a form of flattery my dear friends. When that person has the damn same haircut as you or when you started wearing fluoro green nail polish (FIRST!) or when you thought of this really cool line for your English essay but people rip it off you - it's all a compliment.

Gosh, it's almost 3pm. I should get going :s

I'll blog laterer. Erererer!

You know you love me (and miss me),
xoxo

iTunes playlist: One More With Feeling by Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly; Calendar Girl by Stars; Star Guitar by The Chemical Brothers

Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give.

2008-03-12T22:08:00.006+11:00

I know, I know - should be doing my English essay. Yet I have this massive urge to post these lyrics up. I'm always listening to music when I'm doing work and this song came on. It instantly grabbed my attention as I tuned into the lyrics. Highly recommended download :)

Swallowed In The Sea by Coldplay

You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me

And that's what made me see where I was going wrong

You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself

I can only blame myself, you can only blame me

And I could write a song a hundred miles long

Well that's where I belong and you belong with me

And I could write it down or spread it all around

Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line and hung me out to dry

Darling, that's when I decide to go see you

You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes

Made me realize what I could not see

And I could write a book, the one they'll say that shook the world

And then it took, it took it back from me

And I could write it down or spread it all around

Get lost and then get found and you'll come back to me

Not swallowed in the sea

And I could write a song a hundred miles long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

The streets you’re walking on, a thousand houses long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give

Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see

Oh, the streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long

Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me

Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea

Yeah, you belong with me

Not swallowed in the sea

Oh, stress stress stress. I shall be going to the library as much as I can tomorrow - during and after school. There was a brief talk about the state library today with Chris and Vee. They say inside its dead silent and has the perfect atmosphere to study in. I must nerd it out there one day!

Back to English essay I go :(

You know you love me,

xoxo

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

2008-03-11T19:20:00.004+11:00

I hope you've been able to get by life without my usual dose of extra-ordinary-day rants for the past 3 days. I well and truly believe that I'm a sloth inside a 15 year old girl's body. Do sloths morph? Cos yeah, today I feel active. I went for a little jog in the park instead of tutor today. Oh yeah, I totally quit tutor - it's not my Tutor, it's me! (So cliche) Tutor just 'ain't my thang'.

I'm a quitter. I've quit tutor after a week, my first job after 3 weeks, guitar lessons after a few months, singing lessons after one lesson, my exercise regime after 3 days (it's on/off, really), my Year 11 study freak routine, the list goes on. I remember quitting Viet school after a year for I did not advance from the 1st grade.

Does that mean I have not set any goals to achieve, that I don't aim for anything? Course not! I'm just lazy. It's quite contradictory when I quit activities, claiming I have no time when all I do is laze around and like.. blog. Oh, but I can be pretty determined, just you wait. I shall blog about my super high UAI in 2 years time :) *Hyperventilatesssss*

Right now I'm supposed to make study notes for practically every subject since I have 238753483404 assessments and exams coming up in the next couple of weeks. Today I had a Legal Studies exam and this Friday I have an English task due. Next week I have another Legal Studies exam which is inconveniently set on the same day as my Biology excursion (which is another exam, held at a creek), so I have to do Legal the day before. The same week I have a CAFS assessment (4 page report) due on the same day as my school Cross Country.

Evidently Year 11 is going to be one of the best years of my life.

I was serious. I can tell that this year will be a defining year where I'm pushed to the limit and really discover how mentally strong I am. Hopefully I won't be one to turn to anti-depressants or inflicting physical injury. I feel that blogging is a fantastic release in itself. For those who don't know me enough (poor souls), I currently aim to be a psychologist! Perhaps I'll dabble in Journalism, I'm not sure yet. I'm keeping my options open for now.

School was extra ordinary today, as per usual. After my chaotic morning rush to school, my socks were slipping on my way to roll call. Now why did they introduce roll call? There's a roll marked at the beginning of every single period anyways. I believe it is a total waste of time and of life! *Dramatic faint* They could at least extend it an extra 10-15 minutes as to turn them into study periods in the morning or something.

My first subject was Modern History. We're up to the gory bits of The Reign Of Terror which occurred in France, 1793. Search it up, my dear stalkers! My teacher is fantastic, she really understands students and how we think (at 9am in the morning).

At recess I picked up a Bandage Bear box with Emmie, Vee & Khanh. They are sooo cute, I suggest you buy one, its for a great cause (Westmead Children's Hospital). There was a time when I wanted to be a doctor, or at least a nurse. I changed my mind after visiting my mum's friend one day. The hospital was cold and lifeless (ahh, no pun intended!). It was sterile yet icky. I told my mum how I felt about the atmosphere. She replied with, "People who work at hospitals have a heart of gold for they care so much for humans to work in such conditions." (Okay, so she said it in Viet but that was the jist of it.)

My Legal Studies test was after reccess. I was acting Miss-Know-It-All and full boasted how much I knew about Aboriginal Customary Law. The test began, I looked at the questions and thought, Goodness, I studied the wrong information. Yeah, I gotta practice humility or I will humiliate myself.

Legal was a triple so time totally dragged by. I was bored off my face until the bell rang for lunch. I was everywhere at lunch, I barely spend time with my group of friends anymore. I really miss them even though I see them every day at school. I was mainly in the library, collecting an interview I left for one of the librarians concerning my CAFS assignment. The lady was lovely, I admire her values and such. I wish to grow old, happy and content like her. Maybe I'll become a librarian when I'm 50 something.

At the end of lunch I left my Bandage Bear box with Emmie and Chris (I was supposed to take it home). I know, I know - total quitter.

Biology topped off my day at school. I was so clumsy during those three periods!!!!!! I somehow managed to break not only a slide but also a petri dish. Goshhh, one was enough! :( My teacher then re-assured me (a lot) by saying, 'Oh don't worry, it's just a petri dish!' She then told me to break something else because it was tradition in her family to do things in threes. I felt bad :s We mainly focused on cell organelles and drawing of onion cells. I'm not sure if Biology is my niche. I thought of Biology as study on mainly humans. I'm probably going to drop it this year.

I was lucky enough to catch my stalkee walking when the home bell went. I know I said I wouldn't stalk him anymore.. [Insert friend's name]: YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM!!! Yeah, I just think he's really dorky and therefore cute. He carries around this wicked Christmas themed Woolies bag everyday (while wearing a backpack, mind you) and recently got this adorable hair cut where the sides of his head are like, almost shaved off. Hot. Oh and he can shuffle - backwards!!!!!!!!!!!!

I came home feeling XXTIRED and realised I had tutor. I went, Nah, tutor ain't for me. This isn't temporary, I'm just not suitable for tutor! Watched my daily dose of Arthur then decided to go for a jog. I really hope I don't quit jogging so I end up somewhat capable of Cross Country next week. After a long shower, I grabbed a bite to eat and basically lazed around. Felt an urge to play guitar after that, so I did. Perhaps I'll have lessons again. Perhaps. I also really want to learn how to play the harp. Coolio, yah? But harps are like, super expensive :s I'm def. making my children musical when I'm a mummy!

I grew tired of guitar so I hopped on the computer and have been blogging for quite some time now. I've totally abandoned my Facebook :o Must reply later. Does anyone still use MySpace anymore? It's sooo 2006!

So that was my day in a nutshell! :) Predictions for next few hours: Doing a bit of homework before 9 30pm - BURN NOTICE!!! I love that show, highly recommended watch! Then probably will be sleeping at an unhealthy 2am.

iTunes playlist: Division by Aly & Aj; Blue Light by Bloc Party; Hawaii by Meiko; Mad World by Gary Jules; Scarlet by Brooke Fraser (OMGSHHHH, I saw her on Sunday night when I was at a Hillsong live album recording @ Acer Arena. 'Twas smashing.)

You know you love me,
xoxo

My Minds A Mess

2008-03-10T21:12:00.003+11:00

I've got a lot of homework. Just thought you'd like to know why I can't vomit out a whole page of daily recapping.

iTunes playlist: Hearts A Mess by Gotye; Hawaii by Meiko; Clowns by Goldfrapp; Photographs & Memories by Jason Reeves

I WANT TO GO AND PICK SOME OF THOSE WILD.. STRAWBERRIES!

2008-03-08T22:41:00.007+11:00

If you were a true stalker, you would: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyKjaS3mn60

Yahhhh, it's not the usual sound I talk about but I did have this electronica phase. Full M.O.S everyday. That was weird.

I'm not really bothered to rant right now (yes, I have a life!!!), but there's something I wanted to point out - with the help of Robo's observance I fixed up my 'Wishlist' link found in my Profile so now you people know what to get for my birthday :) 1 month, 2 weeks and 6 days away!

Oh, you're welcome ;o

iTunes playlist: WILD.. STRAWBERRIES!!!!!!

You know you love me,
xoxo

What gives, what helps? The Intuition.

2008-03-08T18:48:00.009+11:00

Feist has very good introspective music. So does Coldplay. And Death Cab. And Sufjan Stevens. And Aqualung.

.. Just in case you wondered why the heck I like them so much/ listen to them 24/7.

I'm quite an introspective being. To undergo introspection is to examine one's internal state, one's own mind, one's own feelings.

Maybe that's why I word vomit so much. I just have to say everything that I've thought of because there's so much on my mind. All the time.

And maybe that's why I like music so much. Because that's when I realise others feel the same way I feel and they express that feeling ever-so-melodic-ly.

Oh and, I just have a lot of feelings. Y'know? *Sniffs* I'm utterly emotional.

So what's on your mind, you ask? (Or you didn't really ask, I really don't care.) This question always overwhelms me because it just feels like theres so much to say and so little time. Or when I say it, it'll be old news. Or maybe that's when I realise theres not much to say. Sometimes its just one really 'small' thing, that is, just one thing, thats really bugging me.

So I reply, 'Oh.. nothing.'

Introspective music:

Feist -
Intuition
That's What I Say, Not What I Mean

Coldplay -
X&Y
For You
Your Love Means Everything Pt. 2

Death Cab For Cutie -
Brothers On A Hotel Bed,
Stable Song
A Lack Of Colour
Passenger Seat

Sufjan Stevens -
Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL
Casimir Pulaski Day
We Won't Need Legs To Stand
The One I Love

Aqualung -
If I Fall
Extra Ordinary Thing
Strange & Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)
Gentle

I know you love me,
xoxo

So Yesterday.

2008-03-08T13:59:00.033+11:00

FYI: I was watching The Day After Tomorrow during stormy weather last night.

Freaky? No- freaking cool!

For all those who haven't seen it (freaks!!!), it's a pretty cool movie with flippin' special effects. It is amazing to watch but also creepy cos it shows what the world would be like if we all keep polluting at the rate we are now. A highly recommended watch.

P.S> there's Jake Gyllenhaal!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Jake - you are too cute!!!!

iTunes playlist: Hawaii by Meiko; Clowns by Goldfrapp; You Picked me by A Fine Frenzy; Three Wishes by The Pierces

You know you love me,
xoxo

I got lots of pictures in my head.

2008-03-06T23:39:00.027+11:00

So today I was blog-hopping, as always, when one particular girl posted up a very interesting entry. It was inspired by a MySpace survey where the questions had to be answered with photos taken from photobucket.com. Rules are, you are to type your answer into the search bar then take an image from the first results page.

So here goes!:

1. What colour is your hair?

2. Single or taken?

3. Favourite artist?

4. Favourite movie?

5. Favourite TV show?

6. Live in an apartment or house?

7. Which celebrity do you dislike?

8. Which musician would you date?

9. What is your favourite scent?

10.What is your least favourite scent?

11. Favourite food?

12. Favourite fruit?

13. Favourite flower?

14. Favourite shoes?

15. Favourite sport?

16. One word to describe your ex.

17. Favourite alcoholic beverage?

18. Favourite sports team?

19. Where do your parents live?

20. Favourite quote?

21. What does your last text message say?

22.Favourite time of the year?

23. What underwear are you wearing?

24. How did you get one of your scars?

25. Favourite thing to do?

26. Your name?

So that's me in photos. What about you?

iTunes playlist: Heavily Broken (Live) by The Veronicas; Three Wishes by The Pierces; Hawaii by Meiko; Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

You know you love me,
xoxo

I'm Heavily Broken sang The Veronicas.

2008-03-06T18:33:00.008+11:00

Everyday I sit here waiting

Everyday just seems so long

And now I've had enough of all the hating

Do we even care?

It's so unfair

Any day it'll all be over

Everyday there's nothing new

And now I just try to find some hope

To try and hold onto

But it starts again

It'll never end

I'm heavily broken

And I don't know what to do

Can't you see that I'm choking

And I can't even move

When there's nothing left to say

What can you do?

I'm heavily broken

And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying

Almost heading for a fall

And now my mind is screaming out

I've gotta keep on fighting

But then again

It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken

And I don't know what to do

Can't you see that I'm choking

And I can't even move

When there's nothing left to say

What can you do?

I'm heavily broken

And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning

I'm screaming for air

Louder I'm crying

And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken

And I don't know what to do

Can't you see that I'm choking

And I can't even move

When there's nothing left to say

What can you do?

I'm heavily broken

And there's nothing I can do.

Live version highly recommended: http://youtube.com/watch?v=P1n6ZH2MWLY

She is so cool.

2008-03-05T01:33:00.005+11:00

This girl, who goes by the name of Louise, has been popping up everywhere on the Internet! (Namely on fashion blogs)

Not surprised why.

credits to http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

credits to http://www.garancedore.fr/2008/01/31/une-touche-de-couleur/

The less you know, the more you believe. - Bono

2008-03-05T00:21:00.003+11:00

Very interesting, Bono. The more we know, the more questions we have. We then start to doubt what we wanted to know more about and wonder if it's worth our time and consideration.

So I had my first tutoring lesson in years today. It was English with Sarah Transexual, and I must admit, it was a really good lesson and I seriously learnt more substance than a triple of Eng at school. Only 'con' would be the ton of homework. 5 paragraphs on Martin Luther King's speech. Eesh.

I never really paid attention to Martin Luther King. All I knew was that he was inspirational and spoke up for the oppressed people of America. After paying a bit more attention to his speech during tutor, I realised what a great intellectual he was. I would chew on my left arm to be able to talk the way he did.

Actually, I'd stir my left arm in a pot to be able to go back to the olden days when women wore corsets and pretty gowns and men were gallant and they all talked in a language which we now call 'formal'. Oh, Mr. Darcy. I love you. Most ardently. *Swoons, regains consciousness, swoons once more.*

I don't think anyone anticipates my extra detailed recounts of my extra ordinary days, so to sum up my day, I will type a series of random mumblings.

It's always too early in the morning. Cannot function without morning showers. Late, again. Modern History, Reign of Terror. Legal Studies, teacher away, composed love web. Biology, bored off my face (for a subject that studies life, it sure is lifeless). Saved by the bell. Me, Eloise! - series discontinued. Life flashed before own eyes. Tutor. Contemplated faking a sickie, decided to go. Glad I went. Home. Bedroom. Pile of homework. Groan. Drops onto bed. Wrote up a schedule. Didn't follow it. Crap, I have a CAFS test. Turned on tv. Burn Notice. That guy is cute for a 40 year old. Crapcrapcrap its 10:30. Done my nails. Oh, can't do hw with wet nails. Internet. Chat. I really should study. Blog surfing. Discovered new music. Awesome. Crap. CAFS test. Crap. Mock Trials. Crap. Peer Support.

At least my nails look good. Blog.

Tan, Heart Of (Non) Existence, aka HOE said that my most coveted bags look cheap. Acting HOE. Do you think those Chanel bags look cheap?

Hmm. It's 1AM. What the heck have I been doing for 2 hours?!?!

iTunes playlist: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy; Boring/ Three Wishes/ Secret/ Patience by The Pierces (the new artist I've discovered :)

Recommended blog: http://thatschic.blogspot.com/

You know you love me,
xoxo

"Oh God."

2008-03-03T23:15:00.016+11:00

Ooooh, don't you just love Mondays?

Me neither.

I think my Monday-itis experience is influenced by triple sport in the morning. Today was a continuation of 3 goal soccer. For those who don't know me well - I am the most unco person to have ever graced this earth. I catch with my face, hit with my face, everything -face. To my surprise, my team won all our games today. *Cough* With 3 soccer players on the team.

Speaking of coughs, Emmie had a coughing spazz today and totally infected me. I'm known for never getting sick and for that, my mum ever-so-affectionately likes to refer to me as having 'the skin of a bull'. Nah, it's not a Viet idiom. I think its just my mum.

It's not just sick people, its the damn weather these days. The first few days of Autumn are actually hotter than the last few days of Summer. GOSH!~!@~@@~! Is it just Australian weather or is this the affect of global warming?

After sport were year assemblies, mine entailed lots of lecturing emphasising the importance of the next 2 years. There was a lot of, 'If you are not dedicated to your studies, why did you even choose to come back in the first place?' I hope that question made all the disruptive kidzz think. Most of the people who don't want to be at school didn't really have a choice so it was fairly nice to hear my year advisor saying that if that was the case, they would gladly help students choose an alternative to school and also have chats with their parents.

N2S: Utilise the Student Learning Centre. Its another classroom that just happens to have computers and textbooks available for use. Will come in real handy when I'm found procrastinating the day before a major exam. Which won't happen of course! *Knocks on wood*

Had recess after that, every Standard English student was stressing over their speech. Believe it or not, Standard is looking way more enticing compared to my current Advanced situation. I don't understand my class. We're all supposed to be of a higher level than Standard, yet 90% of my Advanced class does not put in the effort with their homework that 75% of Standard students do with their speeches. Makes me feel frustrated when I realise I'm the only dork who does their homework. Why should I feel ashamed for actually doing my work?!!??!!? AGAGAGAGA! It makes me reflect back to what my Year Advisor said once more, 'If you are not dedicated to your studies, why did you even choose to come back in the first place?'

But alas, I'll be starting English tutoring tomorrow with Sarah Transexual. Quite convenient considering her house is 1 minute away from mine and she is a friend (with benefits!) It's strange because I haven't had tutoring since Year 7. I quit because tutoring wasn't my 'thang'. People are surprised when they hear that and say that I'm a natural (!), but I say I'm self-taught.

French was after my rawther dull English lesson, which lifted my spirits. I absolutely and utterly adore French. Everything French. The language, the people, the fashion, the music, the foooood. Just the very essence of France is tres elegant. I've been dying to learn French since ever and now that I am, I find that ambition and determination shall conquer all those people in my class who think that they need oh so little practice in order to sound better than everyone else. Tuh!

I finished the day the most wonderful way - with CAFS :) We done a role play today using the concept of communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Heavens to Betsey, I haven't giggled so much in my life. (Well, I have. But this is for effect.) We had this worksheet where we had to interpret the meaning of people's facial expressions, stances and gestures.

See the guy I circled in pink? When Ms Malki asked us what we thought it conveyed, Emmie replied with: "Oh God". (While doing the gesture herself) It was the funniest thing everrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Goodness, I cracked up so bad. The rest of the afternoon I responded with that gesture to every question/ statement/ move Emmie made. Oh and the one circled in blue was 'confidence' according to Ms' answer sheet. Yeah, totally.

School ended 2:50ish, departed from Emmie with an "Oh God" then skippidee dooed to my car. I totally loved today's episode of 'Me, Eloise!' :D She is so cute/ spoilt/ bratty! I love how there is so much expression for a cartoon. Esp. that time Eloise told Nicole that Bill had a new girlfriend every week. Nicole = o___o Ha.

After that I fell asleep (!), woke up in a sudden jolt, showered at 6:30, crashed on the couch in time for SYTYCD - I feel that Steph & Marco were the weakest couple considering Stephanie's inflexible nature (i.e. with dance) I then realised I totally screwed up my schedule by having that cat nap.

SCHEDULE - Mon, 3/3

4:30PM - Homework

5:30PM - Shower

6:30PM - Homework

7:30PM - SYTYCD

9:30PM - Homework

10:30PM - Free bird! Wee! (Literally had that on my white board)

Sooo.. as you can see, that cat nap set me back an hour! I just felt blah afterwards and wasn't in the mood to do anything so I watched South Park. It was.. lol! (If I were to explain, that'd be another rant) My cat nap killed off 2 hours worth of studiessssssss. Those 2 hours were for preparation of study notes and such. Since a Study Workshop held earlier last month taught my grade about making notes every night for every subject, I tried my best to do so. So far its been 6 weeks of school and .. I have one page of study notes for Biology, 2 for French, 5 for CAFS (test on Weds).

I started homework at like, 10:30PM finished at 11:30PM then hopped on to blog about my wonderfully extra ordinary day

I hope this blog doesn't take over my life :o

iTunes playlist: We Don't Need Legs To Stand by Sufjan Stevens; Intuition (Live) by Feist; A&E by Goldfrapp and Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy.

You know you love me,
xoxo

What You Waiting For?

2008-03-02T16:23:00.011+11:00

Today was a fairly easy going day. I attended church in the morning, took Holy Communion (bread & wine - taken every first Sunday of each month). Today's sermon was really good, we watched a video of Greg Laurie.

His website can be accessed here: http://www.harvest.org/greg/

I don't remember what the topic was but I remember several times that Greg said that people are constantly 'waiting' for something life changing to happen in their lives, in order to move on, to pick up their game, to enjoy life.

First its getting out of high school, then its getting into uni, then its getting out of uni, then its finding a job, then its finding the right person, then its marrying them, then its divorcing them, then its finding another partner, then its having kids, then its losing the kids, then its..

*dies*

We keep putting off the feeling of satisfaction, just waiting for something to happen in order to restore that happy feeling we once had.

What are you waiting for? What are you living for? Why are you living?

To get a good UAI? To get into a good university? To get a good job? To find a good partner? To start a good family?

Why?

Greg Laurie then talked about a certain psychologist who surveyed 3000 people on their overall satisfaction with life. 97% of them were 'waiting for something to happen'.

We need to be able to be happy now, and I found that in God. You don't have to be a religious person to have God in your life, just a sinner. I find that with God's presence, I have a purpose - I know where to go.

Now, I'm not trying to convert you or anything but here's a little something to watch: http://www.lightsource.com/Ministry/greg_laurie_tv/20071202/

You know you love me,
xoxo.

Extra Ordinary Thing.

2008-03-01T22:35:00.013+11:00

My day was pretty normal, I done nothing productive until 7pm. Every 2nd Saturday is a bible study at church and today we learnt about UFOs. Yes, completely relevant.

It's the first day of Winter! - I mean, Autumn. I'm such a ditz, thank goodness my friends pointed out the correct season or I would have been telling everyone it's the first day of Winter ;o

What I love most about Winter? Layering clothes! I love being able to pile on different colours/ textures/ patterns all in one outfit. I'm going to be hunting for:

those fitted, high-heeled ankle boots;

Rachel Bilson - also love her bright yellow scarf.

headbands;

Inspired by Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl.

sheer tights;

sweaters 2 sizes too big & scarves;

from http://www.thesatorialist.blogspot.com/

items with funky patterns on them;

Matthew Williamson, SPRING/SUMMER 08

having one stand-out colour in every outfit;

Hilary Duff does yellow.

I would have posted this up 20 minutes ago if not for these 2 blogs: http://www.mahalofashion.blogspot.com/ and http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

Both worth a click! I'm going to go back to le staring of le photos on ze blogzzzz :)

The science of happiness.

2008-03-01T17:11:00.005+11:00

credits to: www.smh.com.au

One of my subjects this year is Community And Family Studies (aka CAFS). I absolutely and utterly love that subject. Lot's of discussion and delving into people's private lives but more importantly than that, delving into one's own life.

Our current topic is 'Resource Management'. A-wah? Yeah, I know. The basic concepts of resource management are well being, needs & wants, resources (obviously), values & standards, goals and all that jazz.

Sounds fun, eh? I chose this subject because it would greatly prepare my mind for psychology. I aim to be a psychologist/ psychiatrist/ whatever psych there is. Anything involving the human mind (helping others while learning about their noggins is a plus). I was going to do Criminology which is this 1 unit class. Not enough people chose the subject so it was dropped. I'm actually glad about that! It'd be creepy to suddenly understand how criminals think at my age. I believe my childish stalking games are enough, for now.

My blog title was taken from this article my class read concerning the concept of well being. Well being relates to the way a person feels about their life, the satisfaction of and access to needs, and their ability to obtain their wants through adequate resources. The range of factors that can impact on well being are related to the physical, emotional, spiritual, economic and political status of the person.

If your overall well being is good, you are happy, satisfied. Hence the article on happiness. It was titled, "The science of happiness." (SMH - health and science, Apr 13, 2006)

Basically, the article tries to define happiness though the first sentence explains how "it's one of those things, like art, that's hard to explain, yet we know it when we see it." The article then focuses on how to achieve happiness, the most elusive of all emotions that scientists have really been working on for the past 3 decades.

It then explains how your overall well being affects your happiness. The most effective of all is love.

"The intimacy, belonging and support provided by close personal relationships
seem to matter most." - Richard Eckersley, co-author of The Australian Unity
Wellbeing Index.

In terms of money, populations of wealthier countries are generally happier than those of poorer countries due to improved standards of living. Though more money increases well being, it only does so to a point. Acquisitiveness is a known happiness suppressant. Material things that make us feel good over a short term cease to have effect after we adjust to them, so we keep buying and buying to restore that feeling once more.

Values, it seems, matter when it comes to happiness. A sense of meaning or purpose is the single attribute most closely correlated with overall life
satisfaction. Just what gives life meanings varies from individual to individual
but it tends to be linked with a sense of connection with something - from a
like-minded group to a common belief system, cause or goal - bigger than
oneself. This could explain why many studies show religious faith and church attendance, which incorporates all these factors, promotes subjective well
being.

Happiest of all are those who experience "flow". An optimal experience resulting from meeting a challenge or creating/achieving something significant.

Apparently happiness is affected by gender, age and hereditary. Women are happier than men, you're happiest when you're extremely young or extremely old, happiness, or conversely, depression can be "genetically hardwired". It is also affected by your family environment.

Nothing suss if all these aspects are negative for you - optimism can be learned.

For the full article, click here: http://www.smh.com.au/news/depression/the-science-of-happiness/2006/04/12/1144521401595.html?page=fullpage

Reading that article allowed me to understand not only myself more, but others too :)

"I just want to be me, Eloise."

2008-03-01T02:20:00.004+11:00

So like, I totally conformed and created a blog. It's like getting a bob these days. Everyone is starting to get one!

But I think blogs are benefitial. One is able to freely express their sentiments (exactly!) anonymously (by creating a pseudonym) but I chose not to. What you see is what you get here. A lot of people tend to hide who they really are either by faking their idenitity or faking their personality. It's living a lie. Why would you want to live a lie? I understand, maybe you have something you want to keep hidden away or you think something is totally shameful but it's who you are. Do you want to hide yourself? Are you ashamed of yourself?

Let me explain my blog title - it's from a show called 'Me, Eloise!'

Its this cartoon that is currently aired on ABC, at 3:55pm on weekdays. I started watching it a week ago. I have no idea why but as soon as I set eyes on the tv screen I was drawn to it. It was the protagonist. She is bright and fun and ridiculously spoilt, it was like watching a celebrity (in 2D). But unlike most celebrities, she is true to herself.

There was this one episode where Eloise decides to go to school (she usually has a tutor). Due to her bratty ways, her tutor resigned. The school is private of course and her teacher is 'rawther' strict. (Eloise likes to pronounce rather as 'rawther'.) After 2 days of school, Eloise has a mini-breakdown. Her friend, Bill tells her to cheer up and to stay strong and that its the real world. (When I said spoilt, I meant: She lives is a freaking 5 star hotel plaza and does whatever she wants all day.) Bill explains that school has rules that everyone has to follow in order to be good students. Eloise replied with,

"I just want to be me, Eloise."

It was cute. Cute as in: that kid just said something so innocent and so honest that it makes us adults go, "Whoah. I wish I thought like that." Reminds me of this quote made by a 7 year old girl:

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt. And he wears it everyday.

So simple, so true. It's so innocent but it opens something inside of us. Our hearts. Our minds. We stop thinking so narrow mindedly, so structuredly, thinking the way we were taught to - for a second, at least.

But me? I don't think the way I used to. I'm saddened sometimes by the depth of knowledge I attain. Heck, I sometimes wished I was a sponge living in a pineapple. Though, I do learn everyday. I'm ignorant and intelligent at the same time. I know so much yet so little. The smartest people are those who know they know nothing.

So who am I? I'm someone who enjoys the innocence left in this world. I rawther enjoy witty banter. I dig the show Me, Eloise! I love music. Really. I really, really do. Music is a freaking art. (Actually, yeah, it is.) But I said that with a passion! Anyone who has the same music taste as me is my soul mate. Well, my soul mate would have to at least like the music I like, or introduce me to artists I wished I discovered first. Yeah, I like to fantasize about love and all that jazz.

Artists I love: Death Cab For Cutie, Coldplay, Aqualung, Feist, Sufjan Stevens, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, The Postal Service, The Hush Sound, Imogen Heap/ Frou Frou, The Perishers, New Buffalo, Brooke Fraser, Sarah Blasko, Zero 7/ Sia Furler, Phoenix, Goldfrapp, As Tall As Lions.

The rest, I usually dig a song or two by them. Goodness, if you love all the artists I just listed - you must add me on Facebook/MySpace/ Bebo. Ha.

But I'm not all about music. I'm an amateur guitarist and amateur x100 singer but that's not all me. I'm a devoted Christian, but I'm a sinner. I'm still trying to find myself, really. And tbh, I sometimes doubt if God is there. But it's nice to know there's someone watching over us. And that there is a purpose to life.

Regarding my character, I used to be really nice. People say I'm nice now but I have my days. And sometimes I say things I totally didn't mean e.g. Can I please have a chicken roll? *Dammit! I've never even tasted a chicken roll before. I actually wanted a chicken puff. What the heck?!* But seriously, sometimes I just totally put my foot in it. And then I go home, and think. And contemplate becoming mute. Or sometimes, someone else puts their foot in it and totally crush me. But I don't say anything.

You see, over time, I've coated my heart with cling wrap. With every negative experience, another layer is wrapped around my heart. You see, my heart is still there, the cling wrap doesn't hide it. It just protects it from stuff coming in. Oh, but cling wrap is thin. Beautiful moments slash open the wrap, moments like eye opening scenes in movies, like hearing sweet little sentences, like waking up and looking out the window, moments like ..life. In all its glory. And I cry. I cry after I witness something beautiful.

People say I cry a lot. Well heck, theres a whole lotta 'beautiful' in this world :)

'Beautiful moments' vary from person to person. It all comes down to perception. If you see life through rose coloured glasses, you're like me. I'm happy. I'm content. I don't expect much. Humility goes a long way too. But some days I'm the opposite to all of that.

I'm way temperamental.

In case you haven't noticed, I rant. I'm afraid the length of this entry would be a turn-off. So I'll end it just here.

Thank you for reading all the way up til now. You must care a lot about me or are horribly intrigued. Well there's a whole lot more where that came from.

You know you love me,
xoxo.

brighter than sunshine.

But the old me's dead and gone, dead and gone.

I'm not holding onto You but You're holding onto me

Happy Birthday Day, Little Hey Hey!

Affection is the humblest love.

The Rules For Being Human

Tweet tweet.

*Waves* La la la la la la!

Different Students, One Master

The Language of Advertising.

Youchoob is addictive.

Respect

Listen and Learn

A Reminder

Blessed are those who have blessed me

My sentiments exactly!

Ah Ah Ah Ah Staying Alive!

Text Message

Tribute.

Lollipop Bet

Judy Is Brighter Than Sunshine

My brain's repeating: If you've got an impulse, let it out.

Reconnecting..

Indifference.

I don't think you're ever a hundred percent in the room.

You are reaching something that is beating.

Currently Listening

Honestly (!)

Blog about it!

Looks Can Be Deceiving

And when I see you, I really see you upside down

Emo-tional.

What to do with daylight?

This Awkward Silence..

Publish My Love

I wanna be forever young

Don't it always seem to go that 'you don't know what you got, til it's gone'?

One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

We live in a beautiful world.

Breathe In, Breathe Out - Mat Kearney

Mmmmmm..

It's in the ABC of growing up.

New Soul.

Honeyyy, I'm home.

You-had-to-be-there~!

Je suis désolé.

Get what you want but not what you need.

Lazy Week Mood Activated

Lazy Weekend Mood Activated

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

Wish I was a bird.

"And I quote"

Just a 'heads up' so you know I'm still puffin' oxygen.

'Jenny Somebody'

Michael Cera? HelloOo ;)

Tell Me Why..

You want three wishes.

Scarlet.

I am temperamental. Like a heart without a home.

PMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSSOKJSODSKJDKS

One More With Feeling

Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give.

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

My Minds A Mess

I WANT TO GO AND PICK SOME OF THOSE WILD.. STRAWBERRIES!

What gives, what helps? The Intuition.

So Yesterday.

I got lots of pictures in my head.

I'm Heavily Broken sang The Veronicas.

She is so cool.

The less you know, the more you believe. - Bono

"Oh God."

What You Waiting For?

Extra Ordinary Thing.

The science of happiness.

"I just want to be me, Eloise."

Waves La la la la la la!